My kids are at the age of night time fear. On various random nights, a small face appears by the side of my bed following a nightmare or unable to sleep due to scary thoughts.
I remember being that age and creeping into my parents room. It was like magic. No matter how scary the dream was it seemed to melt away if I crawled into their bed.
The other night my oldest lingered in the living room long after bed while I cleaned up.
"Go to bed. "
"I can't. I'm too scared. "
"What are you scared of. "
"I don't want to talk about it. I know it's going to happen eventually. "
"Are you scared of someone dying?"
"I know it's not for a long time, but i'm going to die some day. "
I remember the first time I pondered that. I remember thinking that some how I would understand it when I grew up and it wouldn't scare me anymore. I remember growing up and being completely pissed that it still bothered me. I remember talking about it with someonewho was aging and realizing that it is something we wrestle with our whole lives.
Eddie and I talked. I shared some of the thoughts that helped me when I wrestled with those night time fears. He smiled at me, relieved not to have to hold in all the heaviness of his heart.
I wish God had a bedroom somewhere that we could creep into in the middle of the night when the thoughts are too loud to sleep.
Faith is trusting into the unknown. I've made the decision to lean into faith even when I don't know what lies ahead. God has shown up and walked along side me up until this point and faith is trusting that in those moments when my soul is most in need of peace that passes understand, it will be there.
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