Day 1: Bootcamp

Lent has been a punch in the face this year.

Last week I was sick with a high fever for 7 days which broke just in time for me to walk into a 4 day grueling audit of our manufacturing systems.

Randomly, I got a note from someone with whom my relationship is severely broken requesting forgiveness and a favor. 

I got another note inviting me to collaborate on a project that opens me to vulnerablity.

I got another note expressing gratitude for sharing my lenten journey in the past and looking forward to sharing it again this year.

And my eldest son couldn't sleep because he was afraid about what it would be like when eventually he will die.

Ok, God, you have my attention. I'm not sure what you are up to but I sense you have some hard lessons for me to swallow this year.

I wrestled with what I might give up or add to my life  in response to God's invitation to work hard on my heart. 

Here's what I came up with.

Flavored beverages: this includes caffeine but more it is a need I have to get small happiness throughout the day by lovely flavorful drinks.  Plain water is so boring in comparison but it is a constant reflection that my joy springs from deeper sources.

No yelling or nagging: I want to set aside my own agenda and put on a robe of patience with my family.  It is easy to slip from guiding everyone along a path of growth to pushing everyone to respond to my needs and lack of self control.

Early morning work: This is the hardest.  I typically get up at 5 and head out to work.  The 2-3 hour session in the morning is so focused and I can get nearly a full days work done.  I'm giving this up as a recognition that work and productivity are not my top priority in life. Living into my call certainly calls for an amount of productivity but it also calls for a depth of soul.

During these days,  my meditation is on the things of the soul and the path that God is calling me to.

Not gonna lie,  I arrived to this day kicking and screaming. I don't want to do the hard work of reconciliation or vulnerability.  I would much rather be productive and in charge with my diet coke in hand. So,  this sucks.  But it's lent.... the promise and the joy buried somewhere in the journey is deeper than the things I leave behind.