Life is always transitioning. Kids growing older. Old rhythms give way to new ones. Roles change at work and relationships morph. I find myself needing to reinvent who I am to respond to the calls my life place on me. This reinvention creates a bit of inner uncertainty as I grapple with what my course should be moving forward.
Uncertainty is hard.
Medical conditions
An uncertain relationship
Trying to get a job
Trying to get pregnant
Being pregnant
The mind wonders playing out different scenarios.
What if...
We, at least I, want to be prepared for whatever may come. I'm a planner...
And the waiting is hard.
I've made a permanent lenten decision to lean into uncertainty and not press for closure or a clear path forward. To allow myself to feel uncomfortable by the lack of resolution.
I feel like this, over time, has built some spiritual muscles and I have more endurance for periods of life that are beyond my control. I find myself more able to be present in the midst of my uncertainty.
Tomorrow is a mystery.
Today I am.
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