I think all moms yell from time to time. The din of noise from the chaos of energetic kids at play paired with a need to be somewhere on time (like school every. Single. Morning. ) can slowly push the voice from a calm "it's time to get shoes on sweetie" to "GET YOUR DAMN SHOES ON NOW!!!" over the course of 10 minutes.
I've tried, and failed, giving up yelling for Lent. I've observed that there are times in motherhood that requires a bit of a raised voice - for safety or because there is so much noise there is no other way to be heard.
But trying and failing, doesn't mean it is not worth doing. In fact, for me, a journey towards not yelling at my kids is one that deeply explores my willingness to inconvenience the world by being late from time to time, to be judged by strangers or to embody grace for my children who fail over and over to listen to me.
This year, I have changed my language as I reflect back on a day. Instead of asking myself - did you yell or refrain from yelling, I've decided to ask myself "were you gentle?"
Gentleness is difficult for my impulsive, extroverted, big self. It is slower, softer, quieter, more reflective, more deliberate. It is, in many ways, the opposite of who I naturally am and where many of my strengths lie. I don't expect to change that, but I can embrace Gentleness as a way that will help me love better. I can try to let go of myself and my ego and my fear of judgement to create space for softer ways to speak and a deeper grace to guide my steps.... at least for the next 40 days.
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