I have a Lent project to increase my gentleness with my family - reduce sarcasm, yelling, losing control, losing patience. I had enough foresight to know that I would fail if I claimed to give up these things full stop. Rather, I decided to bring my awareness to myself and note the times that I didn't act how I wanted to with my kids or husband.
I learned something about myself.
The most common situation where I don't act as I desire is when one of my kids hurts another one physically or emotionally. I realize that there's a mama bear inside that is visceral and roars whenever one of my babies gets hurt. Oh course these are small hurts and so they are also small roars. But it is really hard to stop and think and choose my course of action intentionally in these situations.
I have an instinct to protect my Littles.
How do you rewire instinct?
Should I even try?
Some things are deep in our human nature.
Hunger, sex, bonding with our babies, breastfeeding, gaining our independence from our parents. Some of these tenancies are seen as virtuous, others sinful, still others neutral that can bend either way.
Being a strong mama bear is generally considered a good thing. I advocate for my children. I protect them. I love them fiercely. But the flip side is that instinct causes me to loose touch with my rational brain for a moment and I'm not the person I want to be while a burst of fight or flight surges through me.
For now, I'm focusing on drawing my awareness to patterns to search for ways to rewrite my script and leaning into grace for the rest.
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