I was 26. Just started dating my husband. It was Lent. An acquaintance from church invited us to watch each of the Harry Potter movies throughout the lenten season. Over that time, we became good friends. We had faith sharing, life sharing moments.
Fast-forward a few years. We had moved to Livermore. I was knee deep in house renovations. A close friend asked me if I'd be a duala to help welcome her baby girl. Honored, I agreed. Some weeks later, my Harry Potter asked if I would come to her wedding just a few days from m my other friend's due date. My insides ached. If there was a moment to be in two places at once. Maybe the baby would come early and I could make both events.
I was so excited about the wedding. I painted a picture for the bulletin. I wanted so bad to be there.
The day drew close and the baby came right on time. That birth was one of the most beautiful things I had ever witnessed. But my heart fell as the wedding day came, right on its heals. I got a call from the bride and realized that she didn't have a wedding party really but a few close friends with her.... one of whom should have been me.
Years have passed. We both had babies, professional and personal adventures. We grew up. We grew apart. I followed her on Facebook. Deep in my heart, I always carried guilt about missing her wedding. I could find words to say. I wasn't sure there were any.
One day during the lockdown of 2020, my phone rang. My friend's bright voice on the other side. We ranted about having kids home all the time and work and the craziness of the pandemic. And time erased. Guilt erased. In a lonely time, I had a friend. We met up and traveled together with our families over the summer. We had an epic adventure. Our kids climbed rock formations in the badlands and we barbecued on the open prairie. Her calls were a priceless gift that unlocked beautiful memories for both of us and our families.
Life is so busy and everyone has so much on their to do list I find it intimidating to pick up the phone and call someone. It feels intrusive. How could I possibly time a phone call when someone would actually have time to talk. Social media is way easier. I can look at photos of what they've been up to and not have awkward conversations. I can make uplifting comments after reading and rereading posts. Facebook even nearly reminds me of birthdays.
Social media doesn't do what my friend did. She called. I didn't really have time to talk at that moment. The kids were running amuck. But I locked myself away and stole time for her call. I needed it, like water.
Every time I think of her, I feel brave. I feel like fighting for friendship and connection. I feel like guilt or being busy are just not good enough reasons to stop trying. I can brighten someone's day by reaching out. So today, I did that. I wrote a card. I texted a former work colleague. I walked with another mom from my kids school. I messaged with my cousin about her upcoming wedding.
It's easy to shy away from shining a light. It's easy to say "it won't matter anyways" or "they might not want to hear from me" It's a little scary and a little vulnerable to open the lines for connection. It leaves the possibility of rejection.
But the world needs our light.
It needs connection.
It needs us to be brave.
Even just a little.
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