Day 12: Daring to dream

It is a lot harder to truly dream at 40 than when I was 20. 

At 20 something I remember applying to jobs literally all over the globe.  Showing up in Davis with just a suitcase to start my life over.  I could go anywhere,  do anything. 

I got married and had our first baby and we found ourselves trying to figure out what was next.  We looked for jobs.  We applied places.  There was more to consider but still we had so much freedom. 

Years down the road.  There are kids to think about.  College,  parents, housing, a life with momentum.  I look at other families that up and move away for new job or to be closer to family and I feel overwhelmed.  How did they do that? How do you make a decision to change status quo?

20 year old me would shutter at my stiffness.  "You just do it. " I would tell myself. 

I've been on a slow road to change for several years now.  Fading out of the company I helped build.  Selling it. Pandemic.  Baby.  Life has definitely been in flux, but I have yet to find what I will be when I emerge from this metamorphosis. 

This Lent,  I've decided to be brave.  I've decided to become more intentional in seeking out my next call. I have no idea where this journey will lead me. It is absolutely terrifying and beautiful. There's going to be a whole lot of honesty with myself - honesty around comfort zones and faith and control and ego. There's going to be a whole lot of trying to let go and listen.  Some leaning in and looking for affirmation. 

A part of me wishes that this was as simple as getting on a plane and forgetting it out when I get there.  I think there is a richer tapestry of trust when it comes to letting God lead me when I have so many more pieces to arrange. But God is not far away. 

Have you ever had a "God moment" where you've sent a note to someone out of the blue only to get a response that they were going to send a note to you about that very thing? I've had a few "holy coincidences" like that lately that help me know I'm on the right journey.

Maybe after I seek and pray and listen I'll find out that I'm exactly where God wants me.  But I feel the nudge in my soul to open myself up to holy possibility. 

So.  Here I am.