A few months ago, a close friend gave me an assignment that made me squirm.
She asked me to ask five different people for help for things that I didn't need help with.
I am fiercely independent by nature. Asking for help when I need help and having grace to accept help is something I've learned over the years. But asking for help, when I don't need help -- I found myself really uncomfortable.
Frivolous help. Like help when carrying groceries when I can easily carry them myself. Why would I ever do that? Even more over, why would I go out of my way and call people, bother them in the middle of their day to waste their time helping me with something that I don't even need help with.
I had to scratch my brain hard. What could I even come up with to ask? Did I even have 5 people that I could just call out of the blue and ask a favor of.
The exercise took a few weeks. It was a bit uncomfortable. But I am a go getter, so when someone challenges me with something that I think is worth doing, I'm going to figure out a way to do it.
I learned a lot from the exercise about myself and other people. I challenged my own hidden rules after I discovered they were there. It was a good exercise.
The exercise inspired me to start thinking about reaching out for more help with faith. I've very rarely asked for help with emotional or spiritual matters. I'm a "I've got it" kind of girl. But I've realized more and more that I find God most present with me in relationship with other people. Their stories, affirmations, ideas, faith strengthen me in powerful ways. But to deliberately ask someone for help with my faith walk is a sort of vulnerable that makes me very squirmy inside.
And the spirit nudges... you totally need to do this.
So, I got brave and I wrote an email.
3 comments:
Look at you! Becoming interdependent!
Yes, asking others for help can feel the same as saying, “I can’t do it.” Truth is, our independence is a bit of a delusion. Overrated too.
If COVID taught me anything, it’s that I need other people. Not just the familiar ones either. It’s been liberating. COVID was the common thread that gave us almost instant access to the real side of people and their pain, joy, and hopes. It caused me to open up more to my own vulnerabilities.
The Buddha in me has me seeking out the Buddha in others.
Oh blog buddy! I agree so much and sharing your journey brightens my day. May you continue on that path.
Are there formal types of people you can seek out to help you with spiritual growth in Buddhism? In our tradition we have a host of practices that help us connect to others who can help our growth but I don't know as much about yours.
There are, and sometimes it helps to reach out. In my teaching called Shinnyo-en, there is the practice of jogubodai—which is essentially meeting one on one with a senior member of the sangha (community) and talking through your problem. Because it is rooted in spiritual consultation, there is always the power of the bakudaiju (dharma stream) at work and the clarity delivered from the spiritual world.
This of course, parallels in many ways sitting down with your minister or priest. The goal is the same: to realize the divinity in our lives and humbly having gratitude for it.
In Buddhism, we speak of realms often. When we get bogged down in the earthly realm and forget our divine nature, we lose illumination. But when we live within the spiritual realm, we are better able to connect with others in theirs, and illumination is achievable. And, as we grow spiritually, we learn that no amount of the earthly is worth losing our Buddha-centeredness and nurturing others’ Buddha nature enhances our own.
That is
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