Life is inefficient and sometimes that drives me crazy. Life is full of relationships. People have emotions. Emotions create friction. Friction uses up energy that could be directed towards accomplishing a goal.
Faith is also inefficient. It is not a destination but a journey. Sometimes that really bothers me. Why can't I just have a goal and do it well. All this learning and humility and wrestling unanswerable questions feels like a waste of time. It's an internal friction that uses up your energy. It's hard to achieve things when your thoughts rolling over and over things that are hard. Especially letting go of pride. It's such a hard fight... "but i need to stand up for me... I matter...I deserve this... i need to let go. . I should forgive... i should love " the record rolls on and on and we fight our inner selves.
It's easy to value efficiency. Getting things done. Moving life forward. The hidden work of faith is harder to recognize. What can you accomplish by finally letting go and accepting faith? Meaning in life doesn't come only from the walls we build or the number of beans we count. It comes from the lives we touch, the love we give and receive, and the flaws we overcome.
So as I get worked up over how much time I'm "wasting" on "relationships" and "self growth" I remind myself that life is a journey. God calls me to walk it, not to achieve it. One way or another I reach the other end and who I am will be more important than what I've achieved.
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