Day 15: Disjointed

My day was interrupted.  Things didn't go to plan and the day ended up being broken into lots of little bits of time which made it hard to achieve anything.

It takes time to wrap my head around a task or direction and by the time I did,  it was nearly time to move on to the next thing. As a society,  we value productivity and days like this can stick in my side and feel like I didn't get anything done.

Life with small children is inevitably full of starts and stops. Lost shoes,  diaper changes,  hungry, crying,  wanting a particular seat or cup or pair of socks. It can be endless. Some days,  I have endless patience. On those days, things seem to go smoother.  I preemptively think of all the small things and magically the day clicks. On others, I start off with a shorter fuse and by the 3rd ridiculous request I'm ready to lose it.

Patience seems tied with my own self well being.  When all is well,  patience come easier.  When I'm sick or hungry or tired or self doubting or feeling inadequate,  every little iterating thing feels like a major insult to my sanity.  I find that when I'm honest and name my deeper issue,  I can take a deep breathe and get a "do over. " If I think about it,  my shorter fuse days happen more often when I feel the need to be productive.  When I need to justify who I am by what I've achieved.

Unlike work,  love does not really require focus.  The 5 minutes here and there can be deeply meaningful if I allow it to be. If i can accept that this season in life has me on half-empty and worry less about what I'm achieving and more about how I'm connecting,  I find that days like this are more graceful. I am able to look back over them and celebrate moments where love showed up.  Ultimately,  the more moments like that we can find space to create,  however brief they may be, with our kids, our co-workers, strangers,  fill the gap that separates heaven from earth. The more we find ways to cast ourselves aside to act with patience and kindness, the more we live out the prayer..."Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven."