Day 16: Never a good time to rest

I was thinking about weaning off caffiene. Next week,  I am getting my first infusion of new medication for my autoimmune disease and I was thinking it would be a good time to cut back. It was Wednesday and my infusion is next Tuesday.  I don't drink a ton of caffiene maybe 100-150mg which is like a single large coffee but I do get headaches if I come off that cold turkey.  I honestly prefer to have low caffiene (like 30-50mg) every other day or so. But caffiene is magic,  it gives me extra focus and energy and helps my mood be better,  so I inevitably slide into higher amounts and it becomes a daily thing. So I then look for a window of opportunity where I can be a little less and can take a break.  It never seems to come. 

I was pondering things during after school pickup. Zander was fussy and not napping in his carseat behind me. The big kids had an after school thing so it was just Philip and Miles. Miles was cranky and hungry. So I decided to stop and get him some wendy's on the way home. Zander was growing ever more agitated. 

I realized he was sick.  Just then,  I got a text from the daycare that said she was sick. 

The next 24 hours is a blur of fevers and headaches, aches and pains and a whole lot of Octonauts. Everyone got sick.  I couldn't move from my bed and one by one the kids joined me with hot bodies and sunken faces. 

I found it ironic that I had been pondering when I'd be able to take it easy and lay off caffiene when life came and forced me to bed.  Even now,  as I am recovering,  I'm finding it hard to rest.  There is now a mountain of laundry to clean and surfaces to disinfect.  Zander is better and I am... betterish... I feel like the virus has done its thing but because I was up all night taking care of kids I don't feel awesome. 

I decided to do a single small caffienated drink to help ward off a headache but also to take it slow.  Grandparents came and got Zander for me and I'm laying on the couch in between rounds of cleaning and getting Gatorade for kids. 

I mulled over this resting and not resting in my mind as part of my lenten journey. Naturally my mind went to sabbath.  Sabbath isn't just rest,  it is a rhythm of rest. Expected regalar intervals of not needing to do anything. I always thought that old testament sabbath rules were a bit ridiculous.  But now I understand that they carved out space for women to rest too. We all just need time to plop on the couch and do nothing. 

And yet,  Jesus broke sabbath to heal and to feed. Jesus needed rest too... and he got it on regular retreats into the mountains,  he wasn't so strict about sabbath rules that he rested in the face of others suffering. 

As a mother this speaks to me too.  Caregiving is a 24 hour a day job. Sometimes it calls for sleepless nights or leaning into moments of opportunity to parent my children - like when Andrew gets inspired to make a fancy dish at 8pm on a school night and I know the right thing in that moment is to make it with him. 

But in the endless of motherhood,  the regular intervals of sabbath can get lost.  And so,no my quest to find opportunities to fast from caffiene are a deeply spiritual practice of sabbath. 

May you also continue to fight for and find regular periods of rest. It is a deeply spiritual practice.