Day 35: Almost home

"It's almost home. " I told her.  "Almost home as much as any place can be. "

Spiritual direction is a practice of discernment.  

God is a mystery and a much wisdom as we gain from scripture,  prayer,  church tradition and worship in community, discernment is an ongoing struggle of faith.

Discernment is the practice of taking account of scripture and church tradition and using that and the wisdom of the community who knows you to help figure out the shape your life should take.  Discernment is a way to figure out your vocation or a big decision you have to take.  God rarely places a large billboard on your commute that says "yes,  quit your job and move to that farm. - love God"

The process of discernment is placing a decision in a larger story of God's work in the world and in your life.  God calls us to love our neighbor.  God calls us to be part of community.  But beyond that,  scripture also says there is a body with many parts,  meaning we each have our own strengths and gifts.  God also promises in scripture that God will show up to each of us differently.  Some of us will get visions. Some will have words to share our faith.  Some will preach. 

And so,  as I struggle with my call, I added a practice of spiritual direction.  This practice involves finding a wise person of faith who can serve as a spiritual director.  You meet regularly and the spiritual director listens for the voice of God in the footprints of your life. 

Today,  I met with my spiritual director and we looked together for where God is showing up in my life right now.  It is always an interesting conversation.  It wanders through life touching on ordinary and extraordinary.  Matters of faith and ethics.  Energy and passion.  Joy,  fear and sorrow. 

We talked about Lent and how God speaks to me through the liturgical calendar.  How the seasons move in turn drawing me to God and sending me to work. 

She commented that being Lutheran suits me. 

I agreed. 

Lutherans draw from the deep well of catholic tradition and liturgy. It has a theology that is full of contradictions and mystery.  It is academically rich and open to explore.  In accordance with scripture and tradition but ever pushing and puzzling.

I commented, "it is almost home. "

"Almost home?" She asked. "What would be home?"

"That verse in Corinthians. "For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known."

Faith is a mystery and I think nothing and feel quite perfectly like home on this side of the veil. Faith is a struggle  and yet God meets us where we are with what we need.

I can tell you,  my friend does not need heady theology.  She needs a God who is black and white.  A good who calls her with clear expectations and yet forgives her over and over when she fails to meet them. Another friend needs God who is present and working now.  A God who still does miracles and sends tongues of fire. A third friend who needs ethical frameworks and deep consistency in the nature of God. 

In fact,  God as I know God,  is all of these things. Different denominations use different lenses to see God and tend to emphasize the parts of faith that speak most powerfully to their communities. 

I've been reading a book called "life worth living" it explores the various philosophies around what it means to live well.  What I think is intriguing is that faith and wrestling are inherent to meaningful life.  Even if you wrestle and wrestle and can't seem to find a connection to a god or religious tradition or is important to at least wrestle with questions like - who am I responsible to? Am I only responsible for myself or do I have responsibilities to others - my family,  my children,  children in general,  elders,  ancestors,  the sick,  the oppressed,  people in my neighborhood,  living things,  the planet.  What are you required to do with your life? Make people happy,  reduce suffering,  leave no trace,  just not hurt anyone,  whatever is best for you...

As I've thought of these questions , they become very difficult to sort out without God.   And the verse "my yoke is light" strikes me.  Christianity is not an easy faith. Every time I think I can pin down Jesus, he alludes me. He will not be bound to my simple Jesus stereotypes. And so, my lutheran self will keep chasing after Jesus. Wrestling with God starting from my Lutheran theologyas a spring board to dive in from both deeply convicts me of what it means to live well while carving out vast space to wrestle with God on the mysteries of faith and questions of life. 

As I said to my spiritual advisor,  "It's almost home,  for me. And sometime,  in the fullness of time I will see in full.  I will understand the mystery of God, the mystery of faith,  the answer to the question - what am I here for?"

Follow Sojourner, I pray that you also find a place that is almost home for you.  A place where you find God and purpose,  community and meaning,  a place to wrestle with life's questions and progress on figuring out the answer.  Don't give up.  God promises to find us when we seek.  I've seen God show up in the most unpredictable ways in people's lives. Even among my atheist friends I see fingerprints of God among those who earnestly seek to find a sense of meaning in life.  And so friend,  it may be an uncomfortable journey but there is something deeper out there waiting for you. I pray that you reach and drink from deep water. It is cool and crisp,  wild and dangerous and you might get hooked.  

Blessings.