We have a little in-law unit behind our house. It's the cutest little cottage. When the kids were little we rented it out or exchanged rent for nanny hours. Since the kids have grown, it has become a pantry, a homework nook, a craft closet and a guest bedroom when my mother comes to town.
Yesterday, I sent Philip out there to get some lunch supplies. Hours later and he never came back. I went out to find hundreds of Pokémon cards scattered across the floor and Philip buried in a pile of pillows on a crumbled bed flipping through cars.
Today, he and Andrew headed straight back there after school. I popped my head in.
"I need all these cards cleaned up and we're going to start homework in a bit. "
They got the cards cleaned up and had made decks. They were planning to play a round after homework. They both got straight to it. Philip had a single worksheet and finished quickly. Andrew had some paragraphs for history and math. Philip looked for ways to kill time while he waited for Andrew. But he kept talking to Andrew and distracting him. Reminders and redirection aside, it ended up taking Andrew the whole night to finish his homework.
He was bummed that they didn't have time to play. We decided to wake up early for a game before school.
As I thought about what I might write about today, I thought about that desire to play, but being too distracted to get to it.
I thought about my life. The important things I want to do with life and yet how much of my life is spent dealing with distractions.
I am a list person. Sometimes I list out all the little projects I need to do in the house - Fix the handle on a drawer, clean out the hallway closet, donate clothes that kids have grown out of. It's a never ending list. And there is other minutia - return Amazon package, schedule dentist appointments, buy Mac and cheese. In fact, my whole day was spent checking off this kind of tasks and errands. I have to admit, it was quite satisfying.
But at lunch, I pulled out my notebook and tried to set distractions aside and think about life as call. What am I called to do? In my call as a mother, what are the big things I need to think about for each child to raise them well into who God intended them to be? Beyond my call as mother, what else am I called to do or be? Do I make space for it? Or... am I distracted by all my lists?
One year for Lent, I gave up lists for this reason. I wanted to explore a world where I responded to the immediate, present call in front of me rather than the pre-planned minutia.
It's easy to get distracted. A dirty house that needs cleaning. Things to be purchased. Work projects. Sports schedules. Homework.
In fact, it takes almost herculean effort to carve out enough space to reflect on the life I intend to live, rather than the one I'm living by default. School emails and projects. Invitations. Seasonal vacations. Birthdays. It's a year stuffed with exceptions. And as much as I try to carve out regular times to think about deeper things in life sometimes lunch isn't enough time to unfold the question - AM I living life worthy of my humanity? Is this a worthy life?
Lent is a longer time. Retreats are longer times. Sometimes vacations are moments for unfolding.
Jesús went away to be with God. He spent 40 empty days fasting in the desert. Even Jesus took himself away to clear his mind from distractions.
To wrestle with deep questions, I think there is a need to step away from ordinary life. Step away from spaces that remind me of tasks undone and the never ending hamster wheel of living, cleaning, cooking, and responding to emails. Deep work requires space to unfold and sit and ponder the questions.
The week after Easter we're heading on a RV trip to Texas. Long hours on the road. Nights in the desert. Perhaps I will have space to unfold and wrestle with these questions there. Or... maybe I'll still be distracted by snacks and dirty clothes and an RV that needs sweeping.
May God grant you a space or time free from distraction to connect with who you are and who God made you to be.
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