Today I had planned for a low key day with Zander. Unfortunately, the morning started with a slew of errands and it was near 10am before the morning rush was over. By that point, he was hungry and asked to go to McDonald's.
The day was gray and chilly. A hot tea and an indoor playground felt like a great kick off to a fun day together. On our drive over, my mom called and I continued chatting with her as I unbuckled his car seat and lifted him down to the ground. He bolted to the door while I closed up the van.
He b-lined straight to our usual booth. I started ordering on my phone while I continued talking to my mom. As I headed to our seat I noticed a woman I used to talk to at the playground but hadn't seen in ages. She was from Canada and spoke French to her children. Talking to her gave me the tiniest glimpse into my old life where just a sliver of my personality exists in the dusty corner of my brain that thinks in French. I wanted to greet her. Later. After breakfast.
I ordered food for Zander and a hot tea for me. He dove into his sausage mcmuffin. I lazily plopped my tea bag into the hot water and ripped open the little yellow Splenda package. I was hungry but at that point I still had 2 hours left on my fast so I blew on my tea while Zander took occasional bites of his breakfast. He was energetic and I kept asking if he wanted to take a break and go play on the playground. No. He would rather do acrobatics in the booth, thank you very much.
I hung up with my mom and moved to the other side of the booth to give him more space. I moved my own tea cup which had the lid off so it could cool enough to drink.
Then suddenly, SMACK!
He clean sweeped my tea off the table and all over the floor. Startled and upset, I sternly said. "Zander!"
He collapsed into tears. Wailing, actually. I got up to get some napkins. I could hear his cries echo through the whole place.
Hungry, disappointed and now embarrassed, I decided today was not the day to catch up with my French. It was time to cut losses and go home to recover.
The pile of napkins did nothing against the giant puddle of creamy tea, now completely cooled on the floor. I packed up the rest of Zanders breakfast then scooped him up and took him to the bathroom before heading home. In the stall, after congratulating him in going potty, I explained that it made me really sad that he knocked my tea on the floor.
"That was mommy's special treat and you knocked it down and broke it. I felt sad inside."
"Sorry mommy "
"It's OK, Zander. I still love you very much. "
And with that, we moved on and out into the world to yet another new beginning of our day.
We came home and I did laundry. He played trains. We snuggled with a cup of milk and watched a train video on my big fluffy bed.
Around 12:30, he was growing short tempered and I was certain he needed a nap. So I suggested a cup of chocolate milk in the stroller. He agreed (thank God) and I got his favorite blanket and favorite cup and tucked him into his stroller then got my headphones and prepared for a run. When we were ready to leave, he called me.
"Mom?"
"Yes, baby. "
"I sorry I broke your tea. "
I hugged him.
Perhaps one of the most beautiful pictures of repentance I've seen in a long time. So earnest. So loving. Almost knowing he was about to sleep and wanting to restore his relationship with me.
I ran my run with that perfect picture of repentance and reconciliation in my heart. This is the season to let go of old hurts and the unintentional collateral damage of our out of control flailing. We all flail. We all knock down someone's special moment. We cause small pains and big pains.
"I'm sorry I broke your tea."
May we each have the courage to be like Zander. It would make the world a better place.
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