Talking about finances.
If there's a list of things we just don't talk about weight, age, money and increasingly politics are at the top. Some things are personal.
I've been pondering money quite a bit this Lent. I've had a practice of trying to buy only what's necessary.... which has led me to think about what's necessary.
I have a grapevine that's grown wild. It is too big for the trellis that I used when I planted it. It's taken up a whole wall of my house and is starting to climb into the roof. I've been thinking for months about building a trellis for it. I've looked at pre-made options online and at home depot. Nothing sturdy enough. I resigned myself that I needed to build something out of wood. I looked at ideas, drew plans, planned wood and even made it simple enough that miles could help me build it.
I cleaned the side yard so I'd have space to work and a a sunny day approached I planned a trip to the hardware store to get materials for the project. But as I was getting ready to leave I found kids sword fighting in the backyard with metal poles. We had a pile of spare poles from a greenhouse we had bought on Amazon. The greenhouse itself has been destroyed by the sun that has thinned and weakened the plastic and by roofers who had re-roofed our little cottage and dropped old shingles through the roof as a final blow to the cheap little structure.
I stood there, keys in hand, watching the kids swordplay and eyeing the broken greenhouse and with an eye roll of aggravation stomped into the house.
Only buy necessary things. I'll build the trellis out of the remains of the greenhouse. It won't look as nice as my plan, nor would it likely last a long. But it worth attempting. Stupid Lent.
My Lent has been filled with many moments like this. I already have a tendency to reuse things but this lenten practice has taken that further.... or just going without. I'm using up food from the freezer and the pantry. And... I've been surprised by how much extra time I spend dealing with things - buying, organizing, throwing away packaging. My recycle bin is less full. There is space in my life that was taken by unnecessary stuff.
But also... I'm saving money. Of course. I didn't think of that as a part of my practice. I decided to donate the "extra stuff" money I would have spent. And that made me think even more about my priorities and responsibilities when it comes to resources.
Money is a spiritual practice.
No matter how much of it we have, we have a relationship with money, stuff and our means for making a living.
When we don't make enough to make ends meet, there is a practice of trusting God to provide. There is asking for support. There is shrinking life to fit within the meager means available.
When we are rich, we have an obligation to provide for others and to use our resources to make the world better somehow.
Most of us are somewhere in between struggling to define what's "enough" to live on. What's a reasonable amount of selfish consumption? How much saving and safety net building is reasonable? Emergency fund, retirement, health fund, college funds for our children, estate planning.... Jesus tells a parable about building bigger barns that warns us not to spend too much energy on stock piling resources. But isn't it foolish to not save? Where is the line?
That... is the spiritual practice of money. Wrestling with the question and being open to the idea that even as I build safety nets for myself and my kids, we still rely on God or at least realize that I do not have ultimate control over our lives. And so in one hand I hold the promises of God to be with us no matter what and in the other I hold the safety net of regular income, insurance and savings.
But there is more to the wrestling with money than just basic safety nets. There is a deeper and harder question. How much of this am I entitled to? I earned it so it is mine. I can use it to make myself and my kids happy. Do I have an obligation to use my hard earned money for others? Is there some imaginary line - after I have the basics... or maybe once I've reached average material comfort.... small splurges should be permissible, maybe big ones.
It is easy to look a billionaires and say they have a moral obligation because the sheer amount of resources at their disposal in unfathomable. But how many zeros do we have to have before there is a moral obligation to use our resources to make the world better?
I don't have answers but I am surprised by how difficult really wrestling with these questions is now that I'm not a broke college student for whom the discussion is purely theoretical. Now that I have some resources and children to care for, the question is complicated and very inconvenient.
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