Day 19: Lacing up my sneakers

There were toys strewn across the living room. A teenager frustrated with homework. A 9 year old frustrated with a project he was working on.  The little ones in front of a show. 

I needed church.  (Read the word church with the accent of a boisterous black preacher -- chuuuuurch)

There was a momentary break in the rain. I slipped on my sneakers and grabbed my headphones.  Opening the front door the air felt startling crisp against my face.  I started running, hardly closing the door behind me. 

The first song on my running playlist: 

"...So much to do in so little time, it's a crazy life. It's ready, set, go it's another wild day. When the stress is on the rise in my heart I feel you say just

Breathe, just breathe

Come and rest at my feet

And be, just be

Chaos calls but all you really need

Is to just breathe"

I exhale.  Deeply. I meditate on the breath of God within me. My feet pounding to the rhythm of the music,  the breath of God stronger and harder as I get myself down the road.  I think of the firy breath of creation.  And with each inhale and exhale I speak the name of God.  

I am alone. For these few precious moments no one can interrupt me.  No small hands touching my face or dump trucks wheeled into my heels.  No text messages, phone calls.  Just me and the breath of God building fire in my lungs as I round another corner. 

New song:

My story, Your glory

My pain, Your purpose

My mess, Your message

In all things, I know You're workin'

One life, one mission

One reason why I'm livin'

All for You, not for me

My story, Your glory

I laugh and pump my arm at the "my mess,  your message" I can own that.  I can dance to that. I can have courage to lean into the mystery that my small life is woven into a bigger tapestry that I can not see.  I am too up close.  I see messy paint strokes.  God,  from the distance sees that master piece as the spirit breathes it into the 4 dimensional canvas of our universe.  

I dance my way along the main road.  The air nice and cold as my body gets hot with exertion.  I take off my heavy sweat shirt and tie it around my waist. 

Song change:

Oh, hear my prayer tonight, I'm singin' to the sky Give me strength to raise my voice, let me testify Oh, hear my prayer tonight, 'cause this is do or die The time has come to make a choice

And I choose 

Yeah, I choose joy

Let it move you

Time...to...sprint. Let the joy move me. My focus narrows as I pick up my pace and push my body. I grab that joy and I hold onto it. 

I felt strong.  Whole.  Well. This broken down body of mine a beloved creation of God's. 

I collapse on my front porch as the rain starts to fall again. I let the drops fall on my face.  I look to the sky with my eyes closed as my breath and heart begin to slow.  

Lord, stay with me as I turn back and go inside. Give me patience with homework and dump trucks slamming into my heels.  May I be a light bearer. 

Thank you for a great run together.  You're a good running buddy. Amen.