This morning I took the three oldest boys to an appointment for evaluation for a highly rated summer camp that develops individual plans to help kids gain confidence, social skills, executive functioning skills and body awareness. It is the kind of thing I've been really praying for -- especially for Eddie.
At the appointment, the head psychologist talked to the boys about the camp and helped them self identify goals that they might want to work on.
They did a pretty good job getting through the appointment (even if there was some minor wrestling and a whole bunch of fidgeting) and came out really excited about summer.
I headed back to school and when we arrived to drop Philip off, he started whining that he didn't want to go to school I did the mom thing. I grabbed his hand and dragged him behind me as whines turned to cries and cries turned into a tantrum. I signed him in at the front office fully expecting that once we headed toward the classroom he would snap out of it and get excited about all the things at school. He loves school and today he had science class after.
But, instead, he threw himself to the floor and I had to pick him up and carry him to the classroom.
He clung to me the way a toddler clings to mom when they don't want to be dropped off at the babysitter. As I walked him into the classroom, his grip tightened. He stopped crying but he kept whispering. "I don't want to go to school."
I went into troubleshooting mode.
What was causing this?
He had never done this...
Change in schedule?
He usually handles change in schedule ok.
I sat with him. He held me. His teacher came over to talk to him. He listened but buried his face in my chest. I sat on the chair that she uses to read stories. Thinking... I was growing antsy because Eddie and Andrew were still in the car. I didn't want to make them extra late, but I could tell that he needed more time... What would he do if I left?
Usually the recommendation would be to work it through. Stay and push until he eventually calms down and continues about his day. But I didn't have the luxury of another 30 or 60 or 90 minutes. I made the call.
"Philip. You can choose not to go to school today if this is just too hard. But you have to own that decision. You need to go tell your teacher with your own words that school is too hard today and you need to get all the work to take home so that you can do it at home. If you come with me, it will not be as fun as staying at school. You'll just have to do the work by yourself with no friends around. But if it really is too hard today, you can make that choice."
Slowly he got up. With his eyes covered, he walked towards his teacher. Studdering and very softly trying to express that school was too much. Keeping his hands on his face, he went to gather materials from around the room and packed them into his bag. The teacher came over to him and said that she was sad that it was too hard to stay and asked him what he thought about tomorrow. He brightened up a little and still with his hands on his face, letting his eyes twinkle through his fingers, he said he'd be there tomorrow.
Sometimes life is overwhelming and we just need people to see us where we are and work from there. Philip came home and went straight to work on his homework. I really took home the lesson that sometimes the best thing to do is to make space so that the overwhelming isn't quite so overwhelming.
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