Lent Day 32: Left out

Church was packed.  Our usual pew was full.  We found a new seat,  front and center.  The alter was decorated was a row of chalasis. After the sermon, the pastor called up children for first communion. About 10 kids, Eddie's age,  came up with their families.

Did I miss a memo?

I felt like a horrible parent.  Were they preparing this during Sunday school? For the rest of the service I was distracted,  trying to process my thoughts on the matter. Should I be more invested in Sunday school?

Our focus for spiritual development for the kids has focused on introducing them to the service. The hymns,  the readings, the sermon, the liturgy.  Eddie and Andrew have really started to grasp the heart of faith.

I felt a little hurt.  Why hadn't anyone told us about this? I asked one of the moms who's kid had participated how she found out about it.  She said there had been a series of emails for the past few months. I decided to ask why I hadn't been included.  It took a little bit of courage.  I didn't want to rock the boat.  I didn't want to make anyone feel bad.

I took a deep breath.  "I didn't know this was happening." She looked back at me with tears starting to well up.  She hugged me.  "It was a miscommunication.  I'm sorry. "

I forgave.  Deeply I forgave.

The church is a band of broken people trying to find God.  Trying to be light.  Sometimes they nail it.  Sometimes they don't.

A lot of people carry scars from a bad run in with the church.  Exclusion. The feeling that the church is a place for all of us,  or should be,  creates a high expectation that ultimately a band of broken people can't live up to.

I've had my share of bad experiences.  Churches that have asked me to leave.  Churches where I felt out of place. Churches that I felt placed priority on the wrong things.  Churches that I've thought,  "Jesus might have a hard time here. "

That's just reality of broken people gathering together to try to live out faith.  Sometimes they fail at it.

In the wake of a hurt at church,  our instinct is to run away. To leave that church or maybe all churches. To practice faith on our own,  in a safe place.  Good calls us to build up the church.  To take any uncomfortable step forward and amend the wrong.  To forgive and to heal.

I felt bad today,  but maybe my experience can add to a conversation that lifts the church up. It takes courage, humility, forgiveness and wisdom to do it.  But God never said faith was easy.