Last year, Ulrich and I celebrated our 10th anniversary. I decided I wanted to take time to prepare for it. As we passed the anniversary of our engagement, I re visited in my mind the journey through wedding preparations. Losing weight to fit into my tiny dress, making invites, planning the home I was going to build for him. I remembered dinners I cooked him and that amazing, honeymoon 1st year. We had no idea what we were doing, but we were so happy to have found each other.
Those who know us well know that we aren't really that romantic. Pragmatic and driven, we focus on building the better world we want to see. Date nights are often retreats for how to better ourselves or our lives. We are firmly partners. Comrades in a fox hole together, each taking fire to protect the other. It is very deep, mature love... but it isn't terribly romantic.
As we approached our anniversary and I reflected on the difference between new love and mature love I wondered if there was a space to recreate those flutter heart moments of new love when you are sitting in a foxhole. I looked up the definition of romance...
1. a feeling of excitement and mystery associated with love.
2. a quality or feeling of mystery, excitement, and remoteness from everyday life
Combining these definitions felt like a way to experiment with the creation of romance. It seemed to involve doing unusual things. Mysterious things. Exciting things. It was an adventure to be caught up in even as ordinary life carried on.
I cooked new types of food for dinner. Took us to new restaurants. Watched new shows and read new books. Little things really. They were fun. It didn't quite feel like when we first got married, but there were moments when it felt even better.
I write this as a reflection on faith. I think it progresses much like marraige. Some life changing event that draws us in, creates an encounter with God or the spirit and changes us. The early faith is magical. And.. It matures. Long period of faithfulness with a longing to feel that amazing presence of the divine. Glimpses of glory brief. But... we've exchanged emotional charged faith for strength of character and the ability to long suffer with love. A recognition of a larger story, a multi dimentional relationship with the paradoxes within scripture and a full range of spiritual tools to draw from in support of those who fear, who grieve or who are overwhelmed.
We've committed to living out our faith and in little or big ways, we wrestle with that commitment in our vocation, our family, our church and even in our hearts. The desire for a romance with God still there. To go up a mountain on some spiritual retreat for some deep revelation or to run away emboldened by the spirit and offer healing to some dark part of the earth that captures our attention on the evening news.
I think my experiment in marriage also applies in faith. Taking on the unusual as a new practice to encounter God, stepping outside the ordinary of life in small ways. It's not the same as new faith but if you are diligent, you may find a spark or an ember that takes you back...
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