Little things today, made me keenly aware of my shortcomings...
Banter between moms waiting to pick up kids reminded me of how abysmal I am at small talk or making friends in general.
Work and projects at home reminded me that how I lack polish that takes decent work and makes it great.
Wresting kids to bed reminds me how much work I still have to do on patience.
I've struggled with all these (and many other) shortcomings since I was a kid. Having a hard time making friends, polishing and taming myself and my work. I never seem to be able to fit myself into a nice box... I'm more of a colorful sprawling mess. It irritates people. I try to pull it all together, but often my efforts, going against my own grain blow up in my face.
Life is a wrestling match with ourselves. Our innate flawed nature. Taming those bad pieces and strengthening the light. Finding vocation and life circumstances that allow us to be the part of the body God created us to be.
As much as we might find the right fit, the right vocation, calling, for our lives, we inevitably run up against our shortcomings. Failing short of who we want to be. Lacking the light and the love we want to offer the world. Limited by the same old things that we swore we had put behind.
Today... like other days like this...i lean on grace. I realize that my struggle with my broken nature enlightens me to evidence of the Spirit working in my life. How could I possibly see the hand of God if I assumed my own strength orchestrated every outcome? Accepting my limitations opens the possibility of ordinary miracles and a dance with the divine that makes something out of a jar of clay. Takes my water and turns it to wine, and then feeds 5,000.
Days like today I don't get how that would happen. But, days like today are exactly what I need to be open to the possibility.
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