I spent the day taking in the imagery around me. Ash-y foreheads, hearts, candies... pink. Lots of pink. I found there to be a very ironic message in the juxtaposition of Valentines day with Ash Wednesday.
"You are special and loved"
"You are dust. You will die and the world will forget you."
When putting these two messages side by side. Valentine's day obviously wins out. Who wants to dwell on depressing messages about mortality?
This year, I've decided to practice my own version of lectio divina, a method of meditation on scripture, as a way to focus my efforts on this blog. So, I pulled out the lectionary and looked up the verses that Christians the world over read for Ash Wednesday... Joel 2, Matthew 6 and Corinthians 5.
I read the verses over the course of the day and allowed them to shape my heart and thoughts... maybe most applicable section to the starting of lent was this section from Matthew:
"And whenever you fast, do not look dismal, like the hypocrites, for they disfigure their faces so as to show others that they are fasting. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward. But when you fast, put oil on your head and wash your face, so that your fasting may be seen not by others but by your Father who is in secret; and your Father who sees in secret will reward you."
Don't draw attention to yourself. Hm...
"You are special and loved"
"You are dust. You will die and the world will forget you."
When putting these two messages side by side. Valentine's day obviously wins out. Who wants to dwell on depressing messages about mortality?
This year, I've decided to practice my own version of lectio divina, a method of meditation on scripture, as a way to focus my efforts on this blog. So, I pulled out the lectionary and looked up the verses that Christians the world over read for Ash Wednesday... Joel 2, Matthew 6 and Corinthians 5.
I read the verses over the course of the day and allowed them to shape my heart and thoughts... maybe most applicable section to the starting of lent was this section from Matthew:
"And whenever you fast, do not look dismal, like the hypocrites, for they disfigure their faces so as to show others that they are fasting. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward. But when you fast, put oil on your head and wash your face, so that your fasting may be seen not by others but by your Father who is in secret; and your Father who sees in secret will reward you."
Don't draw attention to yourself. Hm...
Don't post this on social media.
No selfies??
Pride is tough. Our society is shaped around self. Self-esteem, personal rights, individualized medicine... and marketing.. oh, man marketing. We are told 1,000 times a day to keep ourselves front and center. To make ourselves happy. To achieve. To reach our full potential.
I've been on a journey the last year or so learning how to take myself out of the center. Most of it has been kicking and screaming.
I WANT TO BE IMPORTANT!
I WANT TO BE RECOGNIZED FOR MY WORK!
I WANT TO MATTER!
Pride is tough. Our society is shaped around self. Self-esteem, personal rights, individualized medicine... and marketing.. oh, man marketing. We are told 1,000 times a day to keep ourselves front and center. To make ourselves happy. To achieve. To reach our full potential.
I've been on a journey the last year or so learning how to take myself out of the center. Most of it has been kicking and screaming.
I WANT TO BE IMPORTANT!
I WANT TO BE RECOGNIZED FOR MY WORK!
I WANT TO MATTER!
But what if I silenced this voice.
Someone might get credit for my work...
I might miss out on a promotion...
I might not reach my full potential...
I might not make a difference....
I've been reading scripture and theology from times past that urge for a more selfless way of life. Augustine, Lewis, Luther. They hound on pride and self-centeredness as core sins. Is it really a sin to focus on achievement? Maybe they are dated.
Achievement isn't a sin... but pride is. And so, I've reached inside and started to look for evidence of pride. Disentangling it from my heart and cleaning up. What would happen if someone else got credit for my work? What if I never reached my full potential? And as I slowly evict myself from the center of my own little universe I find my thoughts are freed and my eyes are open to see more of the world.
Dialogs of conversations that I would like to have with people to defend my point of view stop playing in my mind. Analyzing situations to see where I stand with people disappear... I find myself with more space in my heart and mind to focus on the work of life at hand. I have more patience and get less flustered by the little life situations that would normally cause a rant on Facebook.
I have a long way to go but I'm learning that the irony of dying to yourself is finding a whole life to live.
Someone might get credit for my work...
I might miss out on a promotion...
I might not reach my full potential...
I might not make a difference....
I've been reading scripture and theology from times past that urge for a more selfless way of life. Augustine, Lewis, Luther. They hound on pride and self-centeredness as core sins. Is it really a sin to focus on achievement? Maybe they are dated.
Achievement isn't a sin... but pride is. And so, I've reached inside and started to look for evidence of pride. Disentangling it from my heart and cleaning up. What would happen if someone else got credit for my work? What if I never reached my full potential? And as I slowly evict myself from the center of my own little universe I find my thoughts are freed and my eyes are open to see more of the world.
Dialogs of conversations that I would like to have with people to defend my point of view stop playing in my mind. Analyzing situations to see where I stand with people disappear... I find myself with more space in my heart and mind to focus on the work of life at hand. I have more patience and get less flustered by the little life situations that would normally cause a rant on Facebook.
I have a long way to go but I'm learning that the irony of dying to yourself is finding a whole life to live.
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