Wednesday, March 1, 2023

Day 7: Praying with just breath

Confession time...

Breathing exercises do not really work that well for me.  

There are a few exceptions.... 

the rhythmic breath on a long run,  

various breathing techniques, which are really more instinct than anything else during labor.

A form is deep breathing to help clear my lungs when I'm having trouble... which is, ironic,  but it does work 

One large deep breath before a public speaking event. 

There are soooo many techniques box breathing,  infinity breathing, various yoga breathing practices, alternate nostril breathing, belly breathing.  To be fair,  I haven't tried all of these and they are interesting in that they draw my awareness to my body and help me become more aware of my physical self.  They help physically reduce pain,  calm the fight or flight response and increase lung capacity.

But breathing as a form of meditation has never really worked for me the way it has been described.  Practitioners would say I need to practice more. It is something that takes a long time to quiet the mind in the simple act of breathing. 

But... when I first discovered a form of prayer that uses breath connected deeply and instantly and has become one of my go to forms of prayer when I need help calming down,  managing fear or grief,  when I want to invite God to be with me and when I want to listen to God rather than gush words.

The idea is based off of an interesting but erroneous writing, which I can't figure out the source but it has spread across the internet,  as these things do: 

" There was a moment when Moses had the nerve to ask God what his name is. God was gracious enough to answer, and the name he gave is recorded in the original Hebrew as YHWH.

Over time we’ve arbitrarily added an “a” and an “e” in there to get YaHWeH, presumably because we have a preference for vowels. But scholars and rabbis have noted that the letters YHWH represent breathing sounds, or aspirated consonants. When pronounced without intervening vowels, it actually sounds like breathing. YH (inhale): WH (exhale)."

Scholars have rebutted this saying that yes,  the original Hebrew was written without vowels but that was how it was commonly written in those days.  The vowels have always been there. 

Whether it is true or not is irrelevant.  It has stuck with me that with my breath, I whisper the name of God whether I try to or don't. Or is like grace.  I can not control it. As I have life,  I'm intrinsically connected to my God.

In the dark,  in the middle of the night when I'm left with my irrational thoughts,  I can return to this.  I listen to my breath. I listen for the sound of YahWeh. The call of my body inviting God to be present with me then and always. 

As a form of prayer, I've found this to be incredibly powerful.  It is available even when I'm in pain or sick or overwhelmed. Even,  or maybe especially,  when I struggle to breathe and my lungs add a little whistle.  In those times when I most desire God's presence, there is a prayer I can grab hold of. 

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