Human beings are complex.
Ulrich likes to remind me that our brains can literally disagree with themselves. One part sending one set of signals another part sending another set of signals. And so the war we often can feel with ourselves when we struggle - Do I eat the cupcake or do I leave it - is in fact different parts of our brain fighting with each other on a biological level. (I'm sure I got some nuance wrong about this, I apologize scientist friends).
My point is, in our nature, we are living contradictions. But contradiction is hard to hold together. It doesn't resolve. It doesn't feel comfortable. We prefer black and white, good and evil, true and false over all the shades of contradiction and nuance. How can something be both true and false? It must be one or the other... or does it.
I find great comfort in the Lutheran theology that embraces humans as both sinners and saints, fallen and redeemed. In this rich description we can dive deep into the heart of the human experience. How can we be sanctified and continue to sin? How can we do righteous things and still be fallen?
My boys have decided to reread the Harry Potter series for the 3rd or 4th time. We just finished the first book and watched the first movie this evening. I was chewing in this idea of the complex human nature and it came to me that part of what is so compelling about the Harry Potter series is that the main characters all hold this complex split good and evil.
No one more than Snape. I struggle to decide how to judge Snape. He has many dark places ... and deep goodness. I try over and over to decide what side of the line to place him on. The pros and cons could fill several posts if I let them. I'm sure if you are a fan of these books, you have opinions.
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The modern term for sin is "toxic." Toxic people, toxic environments and toxic forms of communication. The word toxic or sin or evil gives us permission to disregard the light someone holds or to sum them up as nothing more than the darkness of their actions.
I've been called toxic.
It, I think, is the most hurtful thing that anyone has ever said or to me. More hurtful the defaming words or racial slurs. To be toxic, in today's terms, is to be unredemmable. The word was only used once, many years ago and still it stings.
I do think there is a place to cut relationships, change leadership, re-arrange organizations and church's. We as fallen creatures can fall into unhealthy relationship dynamics and we need to take responsibility to mend, heal and correct these broken patterns before they do significant damage.
But too quickly we make stories about the sinners and the saints. The good guys and the bad guys....
May we recognize that we all have a bit of Snape. Pieces that are deeply admirable. Parts that are dark and self centered. And may we carry grace for ourselves and others on days when darkness beats out the light.
God
Create in me a clean heart. Drive out the toxic parts of my personality and amplify those parts of me that bring light. Help me to choose your path and help me to forgive others when they fail to do so.
Amen.
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