He gave up podcasts for Lent and so his commute has been filled with a long audio book of CS Lewis prominent works - Mere Christianity, Screwtape letters, The great divorce, the problem of pain, Miracles and George Macdonald. (Just a bit of light reading for the way to work).
Ulrich's brain has no problem casually listening to dense writing, in fact Lewis's writings have inspired him to consider cracking "Summa Theologica” (written by Thomas Aquinas between 1265 and 1274), which is one of the important theological documents written early in church history. Sometimes, I scratch my head with this guy... I thought I was the one considering seminary. I wouldn't be surprised if he completed an MDiv just for fun some summer when I take the kids to visit my parents.
Anyways, back to the point. Mentioning that I had written a blog post on sin grabbed his attention and he proceeded to summarize Lewis's view on the matter. I am not going to do a terrific job elegantly developing the framework, so I'll jump to the heart of it. Ulrich summarized Lewis's view on sin as "an act of self-worship."
This was an interesting box to draw around behavior and use as a sort of litmus test. Of course, I was looking to see if it would hold up and tried lots of hypotheticals - I brought up the common words of confession - "I have sinned in act, word and deed, by what I have done and what I have left undone." Could the definition of "an act of self-worship" cover all the things one might think of in that prayer of confession?
I think at root it mostly does. When you think about unholy ways of being, at the root, we find self centeredness. I have found this and Lewis's views on pride to be very instructive in setting myself on a path to legitimate repentance.
I was a good girl growing up. I attended catholic catechism and first Communion and I remember clearly my first confession. I couldn't think of anything to repent for. So I made something up and repented for that. And in my heart repented for making something up. I struggled with this good girl persona. Never breaking rules. I didn't drink. I got my work done. I cared for my brothers. I cared for the poor. If I learned of another thing I *should* do. I did it.
So when it came time to repent of my sins, I honestly had a hard time coming up with anything.
But Lewis opened my eyes to pride as such a hard sin to avoid. We want to be special. We want approval. We want self-righteous anger. We are in fact the center of our own worlds and life and faith are a long lesson in teaching us how to kick ourselves out of 1st place. Placing God and others ahead or at least on equal footing.
But how do you do this an not be a doormat?
Humility is defined as being honest about your place in the world. Not less, not more. Just matter of fact.
But when I get back to my thoughts on personality, I still feel somewhat unresolved - what about saying something to someone that hurts their feelings when you are honestly trying to help? Or just casually saying the wrong thing without thinking about it? It requires an act of reconciliation even if your heart was in the right place. I feel like there's all this gray area and it is somewhat connected to our psychology and how our brains work and our ability to catch and distance ourselves from instinct. And there's a gap between how we describe ourselves philosophically and how we actually are in the world with all the complexities associated with being human and interacting with other humans.
I did discover there is actually a whole branch of theology dedicated to sin called hamartiology. It is related to Christian ethics and natural law. I find the whole thing intriguing because I realize in faith, we throw around these heavy words and we also catch and hold them without really asking ourselves what they mean. Or at least, I never do. I assume something simple. Sin is breaking the law ...ei the 10 commandments which Jesus simplified into love the lord your God with all your heart and love your neighbor as yourself.
I mean, it is that simple, but again, what does it mean to love God with your whole heart and love your neighbor as yourself. And more importantly, how do I find the next piece of myself to let go of and turn away from while still holding on to who God made me to be?
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