In raising boys that are wired differently I've had to train myself to re-think what is "normal" what is "right" and how we "should" live. I've also had to rewire how I talk about and address "bad" behavior. Sometimes I need to look deeper and understand the why behind the behavior and teach an alternative explaining why A is unacceptable and B is.
The whole process has gotten me thinking about sin, character flaws, personality differences and our faith walk. I feel like Christian writings lump all these things together under the category of sin and simply brush it off... on one hand, we have all sinned and need grace. On the other hand, we are made new in Christ and somehow can just choose to stop sinning. There is also a cultural weight in Christian circles that this person is a "good" person because they are a believer.
Also, there seems to be a blurry line between socially unpleasant things with sin... is being annoying sinful? Impolite? What about "lazy" people or "selfish" people. Are those "bad" qualities sin? What about in cases where the person can't help themselves? What about days when someone is grieving or depressed? What about kids? Is it not sinning when they are 2 but it is sinning when they are 6?
Having one label for all the "bad" things that people do feels to black and white for what feels to me like so many shades of gray. It would perhaps work to label all these things with a single label but then... the word sin for so heavy, so terrible. It has so much weight.
Personally, I'm a "do the right thing" kind of girl. I struggled with perfection and have felt this constant pressure to change myself to "be better".... But as long I've wrestled with my own short comings, the more i struggle with... "be better how?" I find this simplification of all things sin, somewhat challenging.
For example, I'm loud and outspoken. Tried and true extrovert I can't help sometimes but share my thoughts and emotions. I've struggled with this as a personality trait that in some cases becomes a character flaw. It gets me into trouble and I wish myself to be different.
In years of being married to an introvert, I see that his tendency to stay quiet can also cause problems.
What if we could change? What if he got better about speaking up? What if I got better at shutting up? What if all extroverts and introverts did the same. Changing that personality trait to be balanced in staying quiet and speaking up would bring everyone in from the edge some sort of social norm. A level of social communication that is ideal.
But we can't, we don't... no one nails social communication perfectly. But moreover, I'm not sure if anyone should. We benefit from the different personalities. And we call this the body. Each made for a specific role.
But then, if our particular personality type leads to a certain propensity for certain types sins but also to certain ways of reflecting God into the world. Going back to my extroversion as an example. I am more likely to spout off and say hurtful things. But I'm also more likely to have courage to speak up for injustice. The practice of taming my tongue in one situation makes it harder for me to speak up in another.
So we struggle. Often with the same things over and over. I see Paul writing about similar struggles. But then I wonder, where is the line and how is it drawn?
On one hand, we can say, it doesn't matter because "all have sinned" and all receive grace. But on the other, the faith walk is one of being transformed.
Let's explore an example - being deeply involved in a community and caring for people, lends itself to gossip.
Well, you can be involved in a community but not fall into gossip. But... caring for community means having constant news about the lives. It is the natural work of a community builder to ask about people and learn what is happening in their lives. It is such a thin line out even a blurred boundary between important work of information gathering and sharing for the benefit of all members of a community. It involves thousands of micro decisions about what is important to share and what isn't.
Or what about a workaholic. Living with deep passion for a vocation. Some are called to do work that changes the world. Could they accomplish it without being a workaholic? Should all of us set limits on work? What about the one who could cure cancer or grow the faith or become president.
In a certain light, a way of being is sinful. In another, it is living out of a call. I think in some way, most of us struggle with these kinds of dichotomies. Few of us overtly sin for purely evil purposes. But rather wrestle with the dark side of our light. Leaning in to our call while being aware of the shadow that it may cast.
I'm very thankful for grace and that I don't need to answer this. But as I continue to work on myself and raise my differently wired boys, I do wish there was a moral manual that was a bit more concrete for how to deal with edge cases, annoying personality quirks and character traits that both cast light and leave shadows.
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