I was grumbling while cleaning the house the other day. Remember a few days ago when my house was my monastery... well, today, despite my best efforts, it was not a spiritual practice to clean...
but it was...
Spiritual practices are just that ... practice.
When we lift our max weight and then fail on the second lift. We don't feel defeated. We feel proud. We did it once. Next time, we'll come back and do that plus 5 more pounds.
When we miss notes doing our drills or miss a key when practicing typing. We often look at the progress rather than the error. Why? Because practice puts us past where we are right now to form us into something better.
Lent isn't a time to be perfect at doing lent. It is a practice that forms us and re-forms into what God intends for us. It is a practice at calming, listening, becoming, preserving, hoping and trusting that leads us to the heart of faith.
For a moment, I can touch that place where my practice is deeper. But I don't live there.
Looking back, though, I can tell that I do live at a place that is richer and more mature and more seeped in my faith than the me of 5 or 10 years ago. I do not have more or less faith than I did back then, but I do have more practice at faith. It touches more of my being through years of practice.
But... I am no monk. And these freaking toys are still all over my house. I didn't achieve enlightenment as I grumpily cleaned them all up. But I did ponder what it means to live and practice faith. So... I'm one step closer.
2 comments:
Don't we all suck at some point? I've been 'stuck' in a rut outside my spiritual self for months now it seems-- a rut brought on by the funk of isolation. So much easier to get down on myself, holding myself up to a standard that no longer exists. Doing my best these days seems like so much less.
This pandemic rattled cores. Put to test that which was solid. I admittedly found myself wondering if I could even 'take refuge in the Buddha' anymore--as our core chant calls for--when I am not practicing at all.
In Shinnyo Buddhism, we have three core practices: Gohoshi (service to others), Otasuke (sharing the teaching), Kange (contribution). I have to say, without the benefit of the Sangha (temple community) my practice has floated/drifted away from my deeper self, my prayers often reduced to praying for help to practice deeper. I know I'm cooked the day my prayer is for the strength to practice at all!
Then I recall the mindful words of Master Shinjo Ito, "Try your best." Indeed. Maybe our best, while anchored in our faith, changes? It is fluid and adapts to the times? Maybe our practice, if sincere, will meet the moment?
That's when I can finally stop saying "I suck at this" and can finally admit, "I got this."
Namu Shinnyo
So many hugs. So many similar feelings and struggles. So nice to see you here. It's really special to share faith with you. Namaste friend. Struggle on. The practice is good.
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