One of the hardest thing about being a parent is anticipating the season just ahead.
With babies, it's evident in the constant struggle with a nap schedule that seems to be ever changing as baby grows.
Then, with toddlers, one day the stairs are dangerous. The next they are an important place to practice motor skills.
We have to know our children right where they are. But we also have to anticipate who they will become and create space for them to grow.
It's hard to get it right.
Is this a phase?
Is this who they are?
Do I need to push them or accept where they are?
Do I need to hold them or give them independence?
As they grow, I think we start to develop stereotypes or some sort of permanent image of who they are. Who they will always be. We start to think of them as we think of adults. After all, some things never change. Some people never change.
I remember wanting to move as a teenager. I wanted to start over. I felt typecasted. First impressions I had made among kids at school defined who I was and I felt trapped. I couldn't find a way to reinvent myself.
As an adult, I find myself in similar situations. Needing to "rebrand" myself. Needing to undo things I've done or said or needing the shot to do things over.... wishing I could bring cupcakes to the school event so I wouldn't be "that mom" or wishing I had more time to stay late and talk to employees at the end of the day so I wouldn't be "that boss."
I think about how often I unfairly imprison people I know to my predefined expectations of them. If they were making small steps toward overcoming big hurdles in their lives would my attitude be a help or hindrance.
That person who NEVER speaks up.
Of the one who never shuts up.
Our the one who has to make everything political.
the poor communicator
The always shows up late crew
Too loud, too rude, never serious, too serious...
What if... they knew these things about themselves. What if if was a lifelong struggle. What if they were making a dedicated effort to try.... would my attitude dismiss those efforts and send them back to "that's just me. "
As my kids get older, am I willing to set aside years of behavior patterns to embrace growth? Maybe, just maybe, they will pick up their towel and hang it up... or will I condemn them to a life of leaving towels on the floor.
God is perfect.
Knowing always when to push us and when to give us slack. Starting every day optimistic that we can and will grow. Forgiving us perfectly every time we don't.
I'm never going to be perfect, but a call to love each other as God has first loved us is a call to create space to support people as they grow. I've been trying, the last few weeks, to be more mindful of my own subconscious bias. My preconceived notions. To let those go and to support people in my life as they grow... my kids, my husband, friends, colleagues... what if I added to the space to allow them to become their best selves.
As with most of my efforts, I'm sure I suck at this more than I'll ever really know... but I can try. A tiny bit of grace goes a long way.
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