AwwwAfter I put the kids to bed and finished my blog post, I plopped into my big comfy bed. My husband was on his laptop looking up hotels for a possible spring break getaway. I joined him briefly in the research but soon rolled over to go to sleep.
I had been thinking all day about moments when I was "all in."
Going to Haiti
Getting married
Having kids
Starting a startup
My son's autism diagnosis
Those moments are pillars, chapters in my life story. They are powerful memories. Suddenly, I was hit by a deep sadness.
Something in my heart ached...
I felt the weight of a career that I worked hard to have but walked away from on my wedding day.
The setbacks I had at work because I didn't "lean in" enough... choosing to stay up with a sick kid and avoid travel because my little guys needed me at home.
The maternity leave I never took because I was committed to getting the company off the ground... and all the moments I missed with my littles.
My heart ached with the real consequences of sacrifices I gladly and easily made. Sacrifices I would make again.
Going "all in" can hurt.
Jesus cried in Gasthemane so hard he bleed.
Elijah collapsed under a tree wishing to die.
Paul agonized over a thorn in his flesh.
But they each got up and kept going.
This morning I woke up thankful
for my husband,
my kids,
my business.
Thankful for the life God has blessed me with.
It's ok to save space to hurt. Our sacrifices, big or small, often leave wounds. But we make them anyways.
Tonight I am at peace.
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