I got an email from a friend yesterday with a confession that her lent discipline had been an epic fail. Instead of giving something up, by the end of lent, she found her self doing it more than usual.
Parts of my lent have turned out to be pretty epic failures as well. I wanted to not yell at all... and while I didn't tell more than usual (i don't think) I don't think I really yelled any less.
Failing at lent has a whole lot of emotions and reflections that goes with it.
Here are some that ive been chewing on that bear sharing:
1. Lent is not a self improvement season. Lots of times we give up things we shouldn't be doing to begin with. But giving up something during Lent is supposed to resemble a fast. Voluntarily obstaining from something we want or need for a set period of time and allowing that gap we feel as hunger or yearning to draw our minds into meditation on God. Finding connection to something bigger than our hungers and desires.
2. Ultimately, failing a fast, for me, had almost the same effect of keeping it. Everytime I yelled at my kids I felt like Peter listening to the cock crow. I was flooded with a sense of imperfection and in need of grace. God is bigger than my hungers. But God is also bigger than my failures.
Spiritual disciplines are sometimes about us finding our way to God, but sometimes they are about God finding a way to us.
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