I sunk into the couch.
Completely defeated.
Everyone was crying or, as we say "fitting" and I was too exhausted for patience.
The mental check list of all I needed to do ahead of a family road trip, the failures of the day and the epic amount of crying erupting from my four children left me feeling like "f - it, I can't win. "
I had made a plan to try to take the older 2 to church. We haven't done evening lent services since eddie was a baby due to the sheer amount of struggle, the lack of any meaningful participation that we'd be able to have anc the high likelihood that our noisy clan would disrupt the meditative vibe of evening worship.
But, as I sat on the couch looking at thur mess and chaos around me, I decided this just wouldn't be the year to start.
I closed my eyes and started thinking about this blog and wondering if it would make me feel better to write down my reflections.
The maundy Thursday service and the readings for the night played in my head.
The disciples fell asleep while jesus prayed, Peter denied him three times, and Judas straight betrayed him. Well, guess my evening in the couch is pretty par for the course.
Maundy Thursday is the day everyone jumps ship.
And I can't even be bothered enough to show up.
If this were a school event would I go?
Yep.
If it were for work, would I make it work?
You bet.
But church....
Not so sure it's really that big a deal.
My heart had convicted me. How could I bail with so little effort? I could at least put in a respectable fight before calling defeat.
The disciples at least tried to stay awake,
Peter lingered nearby even if he was undercover.
I could at least take eddie...
I peeled myself off the couch and rounded up eddie to go. Next thing I knew Philip and miles are clamoring to get into the van.
We made it to church.
Horrendously late
(i thought it started at 7:30... not 7)
The kids squirmed through the whole thing.
But I went.
Sometimes just showing up is all we need to do. God will come the rest of the way.
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