I've spent the day reflecting on the last supper. Usually I focus my thoughts on the servanthood of Jesus, his words, the layers of meaning in the bread and wine. Today, what has captured me is the betrayal.
Betrayal is one of those offenses hardest to forgive. It rolls around and around in our minds. Even small betrayals capture so much off our emotional focus...
getting "thrown under the bus" at work,
friends siding with other friends instead of us
family disputes,
a breakup,
a divorce...
These things break us in deep places.
To love or to trust and then to be hurt pushes us to build bigger walls, stronger defenses. Trust doesn't come so easily the next time around.The betrayals of our lives carve themselves as permanent scars in our identity. But do they have to?
Jesus knew Judas would betray him. Literally hand him over to death for money. Ultimate betrayal. Did he know just at the time of the last supper or did he know the moment he met Judas?
Does Jesus have anything to say to us in the midst of or own betrayals? He is often quoted "Love your enemies." Did he feel this in his deepest gut looking over to the friend who he truly loved but knew would eventually betray.
Jesus doesn't offer easy lessons. His way is wrought with pain and danger. Yet... hope. Is there some greater hope that comes from choosing to walk side by side with those who will tear us down?
I don't believe that Jesus would advocate for people to stay in abusive relationships or to seek out danger intentionally. I think rather the call is to love deeply and live fully. Bravely. To not let the fear of being hurt dim your light. Or to shrink back from who you are called to be because there is a Judas at your work or church or school or neighborhood. The world needs your light. Love on and know Jesus can heal our wounds. They don't have the final word.
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