There is an ancient tradition in the church to baptize new believers at the Easter vigil service following a long journey through Lent where they learn the tenants of faith. At the vigil, there is this incredible moment where dark become light. The water covers us and we are sealed in promise of the cross and the resurrection.
My first lent in California altered my life in ways that I would have never imagined. Ulrich and I were dating and together we dove deep into our faith. He ended up proposing as the sun rose on Easter morning ten years ago from yesterday. And still, our lives find fresh rhythm and meaning each year during this holy season.
It has only felt proper to baptize each of my boys at this time of year and use the season of lent to reflect on my journey with them to the water. This year, I travel with Miles.
The season of lent is hard on a mommy heart. It starts with ash Wednesday. Placing that dark mark on his little chubby face and confronting that fact that he too will one day return to dust. Ultimately, I cannot protect him from suffering or death as much as every cell in my body fights against this.
As we journey forward, I reflected on the faith I will hand to him. God, purpose, eternity, death, light, law, right and wrong... The easy stuff... I think that kids learn most of what they know by watching. They see what we say under our breath. They internalize our stress. They imitate or actions. Day in and day out. How I spend my time, the words I choose to narrate our story, my gut reactions that betray what I really think and feel.
This is a monumental task. At some point during lent, it breaks me. I cannot be the perfect guide for my boys. Some of the stumbling blocks on their path may come from deep flaws in my broken human self.
So I bring Miles to the water, like I brought his brother's before, to realize that he is not mine. God has a path and a plan for his life. By grace, God will use me in my brokenness to guide his young life. The water is a promise to him and to me that there no place he can go that is beyond the reach of God's incredible love. No matter what life brings, I will cling to that promise for each of my boys
No comments:
Post a Comment