Every day I feel myself softening. I've been rigid, a bit defensive, self conscious. But as holy week sets in I've found myself melting into it.
I've stepped up my disciplines a bit and gave up diet soda among other things which has been a guilty pleasure for the past few years. Sweet. Caffienated. Calorie free. Bubbles to make me feel full when I've been on a diet. Of course, my body feels the effect. I've not been sleeping due to coughing and children... so I'm tired. Add a mild headache. Hectic day and really I should be at my knees. But I have a strange sense of "this too shall pass. "
I've been thinking about major decisions I have to make for the boys. I have two IEP meetings coming up where I need wisdom to advocate the best next step for each of them. There are lots of uncertain things just in front of me. But somehow, I'm finding it possible to let go of the wheel and take in the future that finds me.
The humble part is still a work in progress. I still have nice long self righteous rants in my mind but they are shorter and less frequent. I haven't found resolution but somehow I'm able to dance to the unresolved cords in my life. Maybe it's jazz, maybe improv... or some kid is banging on a piano. Whatever the case, I've made my peace with it recognizing that for a while life will be a bit uncomfortable. Tired. Headache. Uncertainty. Too many decisions. Not enough space to think things through. Coughing. Cranky children. I can recognize these things are part of life and God will go forth as a pillar before me. My job is to put one foot in font of the other and follow.
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