I'm in a season where I know that life is evolving. Kids are growing into new phases. Company is growing into a new phase. And I am listening to hear what my call might be in this new season.
Lent has been an invitation to set down my struggle and my preconceived notions about what I am supposed to do and be and simply listen. An invitation to allow my heart to be carved and shaped into the next form filled with new passion to ignite love into action.
It's been hard to calm myself and make space for a new season. I had gotten into a groove. I knew what my kids needed and what my business needed and I juggled those things. I wasn't perfect and it was a huge sacrifice but I knew what battles I was fighting. I was confident about the ground I stood on.
As life has evolved, I find myself in new territory. It's harder to know where and how to focus my energy. I can feel transition happening but I can't nail it down. So quieting the "doer" to listen to my life and to feel the spirit blow in and around me, is a discipline that is more easily said than done most of the time. But it is reconnecting me with the deepest reasons for why I do what I do. It's testing my faith to trust who I am meant to become tomorrow by letting go of who I am today.
"Anyone who loves their life will lose it, while anyone who hates their life in this world will keep it for eternal life."
Letting go of who you are to be transformed is terrifying. You can't control the process or the outcome. You might fail. People might not respect you. People might reject the new person you are becoming. For me, there is uncertainty in how my roles both professional and as mother will evolve. Given my already tender heart on the subject opening myself to change exposes all my vulnerability. But I must.
So I will come to the cross and lay down what I know, to pick up new direction for focusing The energy of my heart. The seasons of Easter and Pentecost often bring an awakening of my soul after the silent discipline of lent. I look forward to seeing new vision take shape in my life.
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