I wee talking with my little brother about next steps in his career. He is thinking about going back to school and trying to figure out how to figure out his next step. "Knock on lots of doors. " I tell him. "You never know what will open up."
Like me he is lead by passion and good at lots of things. He's using his head and his heart to try to think about the long game. It's a good exercise, but life doesn't give you the long game. It's a mystery. I didn't set out to build a sperm company. It came to me. So did motherhood, graduate school, Haiti... in fact every major thing I've done in my life had found me rather than the other way around.
I listened to him. I heard myself 10 years ago. I wanted the right path to optimize the change I could make in the world. i still wonder where God is leading me. I've made so many left turns that I can't really remember how I got here or where headed next. Part of my goal for this lent was to step back and reconsider where God is calling me to direct my energy right now and moving forward. To stop and listen and feel to see if I can sense the spirit moving in or around me.
It's an eery calm. I don't feel the wind anywhere but I did feel like I've been blown apart. I guess that's lent. Rounding the corner to holy week. It gets real before Easter and I ask myself. "What has to die before Easter can come? "
Easter is the promise of new life. New hope. Easter is a holy mystery that I wrestle with and cling to. But Easter resides on the far side of holy week. The passion. Suffering. Betrayal. Death. Why does Gods promise lie past such things. Because nothing is too far from God to redeem.
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