Kids change. Just as you think you have it figured out, they grow and change and develop and suddenly you need a new plan for how to parent them. Eddie seems to have entered this time of insatiable desire to learn. I feel like he needs a constant supply of rich activities to support his deep desire and need to explore and learn. He's also gotten a bit more of a chip on his shoulder. Always a complacent child, he's recently decided that he doesn't want to do things I ask of him -- I'm trying to figure out if I'm giving him enough.
I walked into his classroom. His teachers know the same kid I do. He loves to learn. He tunes out when he wants to avoid instructions. He has trouble transitioning from one task to another. I brought up my concerns and asked what I might do. Their response -- "Every mother, care-giver and teacher wants to give children more than we can. You don't need to feel guilty. Eddie is developing well."
As a mother, it's hard to let go and trust that your brokenness is enough for your children. I want to give them the best. I want to love them more than I do. I want to support them in who they will become more than I can. I want the world to be perfect for them when it isn't.
God knows the heartache of parenting and still invites us to trust his plan for our kids. His plan that includes our brokenness and inability to be what they need. Another new baby in our life will further divide my time and attention. Will allow there to be less of me for everyone. But, this baby is part of God's perfect plan for our family. My job is to trust that the Spirit will be present and will guide my children on each of their paths and be open the the wind that blows, allowing it to shape me into the mother that they each need.
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