The rush of emails, the demands of the kids, the disaster of a house and I'm back on my butt.... nope, I can't do it. Help me, God, my life is a mess again -- or maybe still.
I keep thinking -- World, just you wait till I'm not pregnant and my kids are grown. You haven't seen nothing yet.
I want, I need to believe that I am important. That I am talented. That I can do things. I want to think I'm being held back by circumstance and divided priorities. I want to think in a me-centric way. Sitting here in my messy house, with messy kids and a worn out body I want to think I'm better than that. I want to eat from the tree in the middle of the garden. I want to be like God.
Scripture is full of references to the greatness of the weak. God has his mind on the sparrow. He is with the lost and the helpless, the broken and the addicted. I think of my homeless friend and what a mess her life is (and by the way, how much more together I am than she is) but in thinking of that I see the exact point why God favors the weak.
She always says to me -- You know I'm a hot mess, but Jesus just keeps saving me.
What can God do with my pride? In all my togetherness, where do I leave space for Jesus to save me -- daily? hourly? CS Lewis talks about pride being a root sin. Our sense of self importance creating a wedge between us and God. In brokenness, we mend that chasm. We seek God. We fall on God. We've got nothing else to catch us.
Maybe for lent, the call is to give up my pride... maybe I should just let myself in on a little secret -- that I'm a hot mess and Jesus just keeps saving me.
No comments:
Post a Comment