Ash Wednesday: Lent begins again

I pondered what do I need to let go of. What spiritual discipline is God inviting me into to deepen my walk and trust. Looking around in my life, the answer seems to point to time. I have always been busy but with two small children and a start-up, the demands on my time have increased every day and I go to bed at the end of the day wondering if I did it right. Did I give the kids enough? Did I spend enough effort on the business? I look at my growing belly and worry about how will I ever carve out enough time to care for and love yet another new precious life.

Ash Wednesday, the imposition of ashes on our foreheads. The reminder that we are dust and will return to the earth as nothing humbles me to think as important as it is for me to present in my life, that my life will end and the world will go on without me. God is eternal acting and weaving in the human story across time. Existing without the constraints that I have. Inviting each of us into a deeper purpose.

And so for Lent, my discipline is to lean in to that deeper story. To let go of my fears of being enough and having enough time to fulfill all my duties. Rather, I trust that God has a deeper purpose for each of my children, for my husband, for our business, for me. I will take time to respond to God - to listen, to read, to pray, to write, to reflect and to see God in the world around me.

Looking at my life, I don't see time to do this. My to-do list at the start-up is packed. The momentum is building around our product and the business is really starting to take off. I've received so much validation that this is a call that God has placed on my life, giving me an opportunity to be light in places that really needs it. Motherhood is a also a call and a tall one. Sleepless nights and busy days. Eddie is 4, exploding with the need to learn and grow. Andrew is 20 months and in the height of the terrible 2's, demanding schedule and attention -- exerting will. My belly large with the promise of an Easter baby.

In the past year, trying to respond to these calls. I've cut out every bit of wasted time. I don't watch TV. I don't socialize. I don't garden like I used to. I cook efficiently. I've minimized and optimized everything I possibly can. So, I don't really know where this time will come from. Most certainly - something important. But none the less, I will lean in and carve out space to be still and know that God is God. And God, the eternal, not bound by time will make the time that I have enough for his purpose in my life.