In every calling I've had - Haiti, Crossings, people that have been brought into my life, weddings I've organized, births I've attended, exercise groups that I've led - what I've poured my whole self in. I've loved from the deepest places in my heart. And, yet, the time comes when the Wind blows a new direction and I have to let go. Every time I think I will be better prepared than the last. Every time there is a sting of pain as I open my arms (willingly or unwillingly) and let my love go off into the world.
The feeling of letting go creates an emptiness. A vacuum of where to direct energy and attention after a prolonged period of passion and reflection. Letting go also creates a vulnerability. It's admitting that you are no longer needed and if you are graceful, slipping away un-noticed into the background. I have not yet found a way to be graceful at letting go. I'm working at it and definitely better than I was in my 20s but still have a long way to go. Thankfully, I still have a few years before I will have teenagers which I'm sure will be one of the greatest challenges of letting go that I will ever face.
It's amazing that God decided upon a creation that gives us free will. We can choose to walk away. We can tell God that we don't need him and somehow, he's ok with that. He doesn't move mountains or alter the course of history -- though, on rare occasions, he does send whales to let us know that he'd really like us to do something. And yet, he continues to love ... deeply .... fully. And he choose the cross giving us the option to receive his love or reject it.
1 comment:
and butterflies are free to fly fly away bye bye
perfect symbol made me think of Sir Elton's song
you are going through much change... God bless your journey
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