She stands at the doorway of my next season in life. Her youngest is a senior in highschool and she is transistioning into a time when motherhood looks more like a faith journey than a job. She has embraced this season with a grace that is lovely to ponder and learn from.
We've only just started getting to know each other. But her way of being and moving in the world makes my heart joyful. She is curious and thoughtful. Slow to judge. Quick to listen. She listens deeply and I can see her mind spinning and making connections whenever we talk.
She saw one of my posts on Facebook about the women's retreat churning up questions of discernment and she reached out just to walk with me and help me process my own thoughts.
It was a gift that was so precious. Time and space to just walk and talk and think and be... myself.
We met after preschool pickup for a walk along the creek where Zander could play and we could linger in conversation. It was a funny day. It rained and then it was sunny. I had a ton of random motherhood moments and things to take care of and she just walked along side of me in the awkward weather and moments. We laughed at Zander's crazy scooter stunts and she followed him off the trail into the wild spaces as mothers do.
We talked about the deep things. The things I crave talking about and the conversation meandered across different seasons of life, ideas and thoughts.
As I came away I sat in my car for a moment feeling seen.
And i thought about how she responded to thoughts that I had. She has once said, " well that's just the kind of thing you do. " She had been listening. She had taken pieces of my puzzle and fitting them together. It was listening to me and watching how i move and easily seeing what kinds of things I might do in a way that is harder to do for myself.
And as I thought about big questions about what lie ahead on my path in the season after this, that phrase stuck with me. She saw the kinds of things i do without all the narrative of self doubt and over- thinking that happens on the inside. She reminded me that I just plunge in and do the thing.
I'm long been a strong believer of both call and a process of discernment. Call, to me, is complicated. It can be a call to anything - to a vocation, to a spiritual journey or practice, to care for a person or community, to fight a certain injustice. I have deeply resonated with this notion that God gives us calls for our own growth or because we have gifts to offer or because God is working in a way in us that is just unexplainable.
But call is tricky. How to know when God is calling us? Or if? And many people have claimed to be doing the work of God in ways that are clearly against the nature of the God they claim. Because of this I'm very thoughtful about discernment. To me, call is affirmed by others who are strong in the faith, it is affirmed in scripture and in the long tradition of faith.
"That's the kind of thing you do."
Was a sign post in my discernment. God has made me to do the kinds of things i do. And it's OK if I keep doing things like that. This feels obvious in stating it, but it is a gospel lesson with Sunday school words - God made me to be me. And I should keep doing that.
I would like to pass this beautiful word on to you my friend.
God made you to be you. And you should keep doing that. Keep doing the kinds of things you do in the ways that you do them. And if there are a lot of voices in your head saying "..but what about..." find a friend who can see you and listen to you and put the pieces together and say to you honestly ... "But that's just the kind of thing you do" and affirm that which God made in you as a beautiful gift to this world that may be hard to see yourself.
Keep doing that thing.
It's a great thing that you do.
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