The last time I cut my hair was just before my cousins wedding in June of 2022. She now has a kid who might be walking. I'm really over due for a haircut.
Last night as we were going to bed, my husband made a last minute decision that he would take the kids and give me the whole day to prepare for the women's retreat that I am helping to lead this weekend.
I found myself with an unexpected day to myself.
A million ideas flooded my brain with how to make the best use of a day. I needed to go on a run. I needed time to think and plan our life. I really needed a haircut. So as I packed them up and got them on their way I went to work planning a day for me to spend with myself.
When I was younger I didn't really understand why Jesus often retreated to a quiet place to pray. I'm an extravert and thrive and gain energy from conversation and connection. And during that period of my life, I had vast amount of time alone. When I first moved to California, i didn't know anyone and weekends were so long. I spent every Saturday alone with myself settling into my new apartment and wondering where my life would go.
But now, I understand.
Caretaking invades my brain. Even when no one needs me immediately, my brain is anticipating who might need me and how to structure moments to become teachable moments and of course I'm cleaning up after everyone. My thoughts never fully settle until I am away. When I'm finally able to fully shut off the voice that attends to all the people who need me.
Perhaps Jesus felt that way to. Looking at each person in it crowd, considering their need, thinking of what to say, managing all the requests.
A day with myself, just allowing silence in my brain. Allowing myself to be without having to think or anticipate who to care for next creates so much space for me to hear God. For me to allow my mind to process life and connect the dots and see what God is doing and where God is calling me next.
We all need days to our selves. Even extroverts.
And yes. I got a haircut.
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