Day 16: Clicking into place

 It felt like a 1,000 piece puzzle.  Everything put together except.... the last piece clearly doesn't fit. Not only does it not fit,  but it clearly doesn't belong.  

Life is that way sometimes. 

In fact,  life is that way now.

For the past several months I've been between tearing the whole thing apart and starting over and just finding a way to move on and ignore that something is out of place somewhere.  

Moms are the chief operating officers of the family.  They live in the future creating annual and quarterly goals. They figure out summer camps in February and enroll in school for the following year in January or sometimes a year or even two in advance. 

The thing with kids is, that while you're making plans for kindergarten, you are dealing with a 4 year old who is a flipping disaster because they recently gave up napping and can't function at the end of the day and you pray and trust that somehow they will make it to 5 and be ready for a full day of school.  

Special needs kids make this process even more tricky.  Their development isn't quite as linear or predictable. So the range of where my kids might be in September is almost impossible to predict in January. 

Last January,  I took a huge leap and signed miles up for private school. He had a dream of attending school with his brothers. He volunteered to go to tutoring everyday for two whole summers to try to get ready.  But it was a long shot.  He had a full one on one aide at the public school,  occupational therapy,  adapted PE, speech,  the whole works and still he was only able to complete about 5% - 10% of classwork.  Private school was even heavier on the written work.  I really didn't know how he would make it.  But, in faith,  I signed him up.  

We went through a whole process. He was assessed at the private school.  We completed his IEP at the public school and I did everything in a way to leave the door open for him to come back if he needed to.  I made friends with administrators at both schools and I shared his dream and my concerns and together we all jumped off the cliff with him.  

... and ....

He did it!

He's thriving.  Talking more.  Doing more work.  Growing in all kids of ways. And when i see this,  I know I made the right choice. And I let out the breath I had been holding for months and let myself celebrate. 

It's like this .... every.... single.... year. 

One of my kids or another has some situation that requires my full attention and a year of planning and lots of prayer. And in this repeated process,  I've learned more and more to trust God with each of them. 

So this year.... there wasn't anything special.

Everyone was doing great. And the plan for next year was simple.  Do the same thing. 

So that's what I did.  Enrolled miles and Philip at the private school.  Eddie Homeschool.  And Andrew hybrid home and private school. 

But then.... Zander. 

Preschool met with me to let me know that they didn't think he was ready for TK. I agreed. But also, I wasn't sure another half day at Preschool was quite right either. 

That was my piece. My piece that didn't quite fit into next year's schedule.  And I've been holding it and praying. 

Of course,  I enrolled him in Preschool.  He needs to go somewhere. So i have a default plan... but.... 

It will be fine.  Right?

Right?

As I scratched my head and prayed.  There were other little things that started breaking my puzzle.  Miles showing signs that next grade may be too big of a step.  Philip showing signs that middle school might need more transistion support than I expected. Andrew waivering about 8th grade.  And I find myself in the same current... praying... observing... talking... planning and searching for wisdom.  

But,  in the past few weeks,  I can feel God breathing life into the process. Miles old school reached out to do a comprehensive assessment to see how well he's grown and make recommendations about next year.  Andrew had a moment of joy and clarity about how he wanted 8th grade to go and goals he wanted to set for himself. I had an epiphany about Eddie's schedule as I started laying out next year's curriculum. The principal of the private school scheduled a meeting in May to review each kid with me and pray about their placement together. 

I don't have answers. But I know they will come with time. I can feel the Spirit is with me,  helping me mother these beautiful children. And I am so grateful, there is no way I could do it on my own.