Day 19: what does it feel like to become a butterfly

 The caterpillars on the counter have created their chrysalis and I wonder what does it feel like to become a butterfly.  

Biologically,  the process is something of a miracle.  The caterpillar molts. The skin under is the chrysalis and as the old skin comes off the caterpillar loses legs. Loses freedom.  Trapped in the chrysalis,  they melt into goo. Parts re-arrange and new structures form. They literally become completely new creatures. 

Yet. 

Scientists who have studied the process have found that butterflies remember things from caterpillar days. They are still the same creature and yet,  they are a biologically completely new creature.  

As I watch the chrysalis hanging from the lid of the caterpillar jar,  one starts wiggling,  violently.  I watch it for a while.  Eventually,  it slows down and stops. 

I remember babies moving in my swollen belly. Sometimes violently and I wonder - what does it feel like to become a butterfly. 

What does it feel like to slowly shed the skin of freedom to stiffen up into a silent straight jacket?

What does it feel like to dissolve into protein stands and be rearranged?

Does it feel like a medical procedure? A coma? Childbirth? Is it painful? Exhausting? 

I came home from the women's retreat exhausted. 

I had a house to clean and a week to prepare for.  

I expected to be rested and ready to take on life. 

But this was the kind of vacation that needed recovering from.  

I think it's a good thing. Sometimes we have to be re-arranged. Sometimes the process of being re-created is exhausting. 

No one expects a chrysalis to do very much. 

It is enough just to be.