So it came to pass that the baby hasn't come. The kids are gone. We said farewells to our staff and we found ourselves free.
Problem.
What kind of vacation can you have when you are 38 and a half weeks pregnant. No hiking, working out, biking, adventures to the wilderness. No wine tasting. No long walks on the beach. Everything hurts and keeps hurting. If I push it, we will be having a baby instead of a vacation so we drove, we ate and we talked.
Talking all day peels back layers and layers of onion. We found ourselves really wrestling with the weight of responsibility. For our kids and for our business. Facing an unknown darkness of doing something the world has never done before, every step feels like inching towards the edge of a cliff in total darkness. You stretch your toes feeling, straining, hoping you find the edge so that you don't just walk off it.
I thought about Jesus. Walking up the hill. Human. Mocked. Abandonned by God. Failed. I thought of moments in my own life when I thought, surely God is calling me to this and then, suddenly at sea I found myself alone with no God in sight. My God, how could you abandon me out here? Jesus shouted it from the cross. I shouted it from a hilltop in Haiti.
But Jesus stayed the course. Jesus clung to a promise of resurrection.
I don't know if our start-up will succeed. I don't know what the right choice is. But I do feel compelled to stay the course. My Easter is out there too. The invisible wind of the Spirit continues to blow. I must trust the mystery, pick up my cross and carry on.
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