Somehow, thinking that this is my 3rd child I didn't think I would really need time to prepare. I've been through labor and newborn sleepless nights. I have onsies, strollers and baby carriers. Since this is a boy I thought, there is nothing new that I need.
Today marks 37 weeks. The day in my pregnancy that Eddie was born. The baby is officially full term and could come any day over the next 5 weeks. Last night as I laid in bed I started thinking through the logistics. We drive a Prius. Over the course of the pregnancy, we've talked about getting a minivan but haven't done it. Now I'm wondering if I'm really going to try to squeeze baby peanut butter in the backseat of the Prius with the other two boys. I looked at the baby carseat.... need a new one. I was walking to the corner store...need a double stroller. I started thinking about labor -- with each of my previous labors I had a clear birth plan that helped me to deal with the pain. I haven't really thought about it and got a bit overwhelmed thinking about all the decisions that I need to make about that.
Truth is. It almost feels like a 1st baby. I really don't know how my life will change and what type of family we will be, what type of mother I'll be. I'm decidedly not ready.
At work, I have the same experience. Everything I've been doing over the last couple months were focused on last weekend's conference. Now what? In many ways, the business is in process of being born. Our product moves ever closer to being ready to sell. We are growing. Hiring. Expanding. I watch this 4th child of mine through its birth process and feel completely unprepared to mother it.
Ulrich reminds me -- its the season of Lent. Not just any Lent but a John Lent. A Lent of transformation. God is walking with me and transforming me into the mother I need to be for my three kids and for this little start-up. Teaching me the lessons of humility, brokenness and grace that I may dance with the Spirit as I take up an ever growing call to mother.
1 comment:
My prayers are with you, Sara. May God supply all that you need, when you need it.
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