Day 32: But I don't want to

I keep weekends open intentionally. 

Saturdays are an open book to get school projects done,  do a fun outing,  catch up on house work or just veg and recover. 

This is a good arrangement for my family.  They need a slower pace and more down time. However,  Saturday morning comes and NO ONE knows what to do. I have to figure out priorities and come up with a plan. I go around and gather input. Do you have homework? Do you have anything you want to do this weekend? Non commital grunts.  What does that mean? 

Eventually,  I make everyone pull out laptops and go subject by subject -- is there homework? I make a list of essential chores. Nice to have chores.  A few options for activities based on weather and the general vibe.  By the time I've done this everyone in the house has found some lazy activity -- one's curled up on the couch with a book,  two in the sandbox, someone else is building something out of cardboard and the last on its just laying on the floor staring at the ceiling. My husband has vanished and the kitchen is a mess from the breakfast rush. 

Since things are calm,  I clean the kitchen and mentally organize the day given the inertia I now need to overcome. I keep my eye on everyone looking for my break. There's a moment when someone is ready to switch activities and if I get something going at just the right time,  in just the right way,  sometimes I can get us on track without too much issue.  

But more often than not I can't find a break and the morning turns to lunch and the day hasn't even started and I have to reconsider and focus on only top priorities. 

What gets me is that they drag their heels even on fun days. 

"Let's go swimming..." 

Naaaaaaa 

I have to twist their arms and say,  we'll just go for 5 minutes and you don't have to get in the pool.  

And we arrive and they are in the water having the time of their life. And I'm exhausted because it took every bit of energy I had just to get them there. 

I wonder if I'm like this with God.

I'm happy in my simple life not seeing the big picture of eternity and God calls me into something new,  that I will totally love and thrive in -- and yet -- I dig my heels in refusing to listen. 

May I find an openness to things that don't fit in with my plans. May I be willing to do things that aren't comfortable. May I find the ability to look up from my minutia long enough to recognize when God is inviting me on an adventure. And may I have humilty to remember that my perspective is limited and generally self centered. 

Sometimes we get to go swimming. Sometimes we have to clean the back yard. Sometimes we just need to rest.  

Good parents know what the family needs and spend a great deal of effort balancing those needs and ensuring everyone is cared for. 

May I trust God as the good parent who knows what I need and what all my siblings need and have a heart to participate in what's needed.