Day 30: Lean out

When I was at the beginning on my tenure as a startup founder, Sheryl Sandberg released "Lean in" a guide for women leaders. 

It talks a lot about inviting yourself to the table. Making things happen.  Putting yourself out there. 

I think leadership often involves imagining the world differently and taking steps to help others see the vision.  It's also running small experiments, testing and refining ideas,  talking to people,  gathering perspective and empowering people to become change makers. 

Changing the world,  even in small ways often looks a lot like "Leaning in." It's stepping up and saying yes and then figuring out how to make it happen.

Leaning in is one of my default postures. I spend a lot of time reflecting on what might make the world better and the rest of it Leaning in on small ways in my current situation I could make incremental progress on some way to make it happen -- even if that's just with my own kids or my own carbon footprint or my church or school. 

When we pray "your will be done on earth as it is in heaven, " I  am tempted to pray, "give me wisdom and point me in the right direction so I  can start doing all the amazing God things on earth " I want to lean in and manifest God's will. 

But the more faith informed side knows better. I don't understand God any better than the disciples understood Jesus. If I've learned anything from faith,  it's that God's will for this beautiful creation is more radical than any of us can imagine. Even more,  it is born in ways that we wouldn't choose or expect. No 1st century Jew had the messiah on a cross as part of the "God's own bingo card. " We have theology for it now with 2,000 years to think about "why the cross?" And still.... I wonder.... why the cross? 

If we had God's will on earth as it is in heaven,  would there have been a cross? 

And so God moves in mystery. And prayer requires me to sometimes set aside my fire to DO THINGS and just...  

just... 

just what?

I've been feeling a call to "lean out." 

To not send emails.  To not make things happen.  To just... just... 

I'm not sure what.  Perhaps listen.  Perhaps watch.  Perhaps pray. 

And so I'm trying to be faithful to this call and to slow down and intentionally not try to do anything,  but I have to say for the record -- that it is not comfortable,  I don't like it and I would much rather try to make something happen. 

So here's me trusting that God will call me off the bench at some point. And hoping I'm paying attention well enough to know what to do once I'm back in the game.