Day 27: When teenagers come home late

 

I'm in my rocking chair watching and waiting for Eddie to get back from bells and for Ulrich to return from work.  It's 8:49. 

Eddie's late. He usually gets home around 8:30ish I'm starting to worry. Every time I send him out on his scooter,  I do so knowing there's a chance he could get hurt or even not come home. My stomach churns a little. If he's not home in ten minutes,  I might go out looking for him. 

I remember my mother panicking when I was a teenager. Back then,  we didn't have cell phones. But one day,  I was riding the bus and and announcer came over the loudspeaker. "If Sara is on this bus,  her mother is looking for her."

Waiting,  just waiting, feels helpless. Mothers don't just sit and wait. If there's something to be done,  then mother's are going to do the thing.  

But sometimes God calls on us to wait and trust even when the result doesn't go the way we hope or expect. It is in that place,  where faith doesn't feel rational at all,  that I call out to God. "Are you there? Are you sure? I'm trying to trust you. "

Jesus's mother followed him all the way to the cross. And I'm almost sure the woman who spoke to angels,  who found herself overcome by the Holy Spirit and who carried the son of God inside her own womb sat in the shadows crying out to God,  "Are you there? Are you sure? I'm trying to trust you...." what else could she do watching her invincible, miracle making boy dying slowly on a tree. Mary had a hard road.   

God was not there.  Jesus cried out. "My God why have you forsaken me. " Mary's heart tore. I would have felt so utterly betrayed by God.  

But the story doesn't end there. The Gospels don't record whether his mother was among the women who went to the tomb. As a mother,  I find it impossible to think she didn't go.  However it went,  I'm almost certain that Jesus gave her that look.  That look the kids give moms that says -- I'm OK.  Actually,  I'm good. Everything is good -- and Mary had peace.  She could see it in his face and her heart held that image for the rest of her days. I'm sure of it. 

And.... Eddie walked in the door. I can sleep tonight. Thank you God for bringing them all home safe at the end of the day.