"Well, step into the hall and we'll discuss that."
My stomach turned. 15 minutes passed. Finally, they adjourned. The investors walked past us and out the door. "The woman will give you your answer." They said as they passed. My heart sank. Finally the woman emerged... Our answer is a definite "NOT No." She when on to give us specific feedback and next steps we need to take.
I think over the course of life, we learn to become afraid of the word "No." At 18 months or so, it's a child's favorite word. It's their first opportunity to exert their opinion into the world. To accept or reject something. At around 2 years, they start to learn that mom can reject things too. Mom can reject the possibility of eating candy for dinner or writing on the wall.
As we grow older we begin to fear the word. We are afraid to ask because we are afraid to be rejected. Especially for things that matter like our dreams or dating. We also are afraid of being asked because we don't want to reject. "Please don't ask me to volunteer. I don't know if I'll be able to say no." Don't ask me to tell you what I really think.
But saying no and rejecting things can change us and the world. Jesus said no. Jesus said no to injustice, to status quo, and to following the rules. Jesus said no to a world defined by legalism and to the idea that any person was beyond the reach of God's grace. We too can choose to say no and reject the darkness, greed, injustice and hatred in the world. If we can find a way to cast aside our fears of rejection, we can help to fill the world with light.
2 comments:
"No" seems to have its greatest effect when we are attached or vested in an outcome. Without that attachment, there is no disturbance. This one was a hard for me to accept as I first explored Buddhism and the idea of non-attachment. Western philosophy after all, is rooted in outcome. From 'having an end in mind' to behaving in a pious manner in order 'to be saved'. It seemed impossible to me that detaching one's self from an expected outcome could lead to anything but failure and suffering.
In fact, just the opposite is true. If we are really true to ourselves and humbly practice right action, correct conduct, and earnest effort, we can be satisfied with any outcome because we have tried our best. It is that we should have determination for--trying our best. It is opportunity we should have gratitude for.
I put this to test recently. I had been a final candidate for a position in Seattle that fit me quite well. When the company decided to change directions and not fill the spot, I was immediately tempted to fill myself with grief and despair. Instead, I examined why I was feeling this way. It was my attachment to the outcome. But as I thought more, I realized I had tried my best and that regardless of outcome, I could show gratitude for the opportunity to practice becoming my best. I had broken through.
It is all practice. Our lives are practice. It is not one moment, but every moment that we get better. The outcomes belong to the universe.
Thank you for your beautiful thoughts Mike. I have deeply enjoyed conversations with Buddhist friends. There are a great number of commonalities between our traditions. I agree that life is about living richly, being present and being grateful for each day as a new opportunity. I hope new options for a direction come your way.
Also. we just installed a 3-D printer in our garage. So should you want to prototype anything, as the universe may call, let me know. :)
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