Day 8: it's like kindergarten all over again

We sauntered along the path next to the railroad track. The last light of day cast a golden glow around us and the air was growing cool.  We both curled up in our hoodies. Eddie is almost as tall as me. His hair was tangled. He is a full fledged teenager and we were on our way to open house at the high school to help answer the question - what's next for Eddie?

It feels like kindergarten all over again.  The world expanding in front of him and I feel nervous that he might not be ready for it. I want to hover.  I have to push back my urge.  

He turns to me. 

"Let's play a game. We each name a super power and we each name a limitation to that power. You go first,  name a power. "

"Ummm... x-ray vision. "

"OK,  but you can only see through grass.  My turn.  Teleportation. What is the limit?"

"You can only teleport 6 inches in front of you. "

"What power is more useful? X-ray through grass or teleporting 6 inches?

We carried on like this as we walked. 

His innocence is so precious.  How are we getting ready for highschool? Is high school even the right place for him?

Eddie's not a typical kid and I've been thinking about this decision for the last three years. 

We found our way into the busy gymnasium bustling with tables marked "math" and "student government. " Eddie shrink back into his shell - semi interested teenaged grunting as we strolled around the room.  

After talking to a few tables, I asked him if there was anything he wanted to see.  

"What about clubs?" He asked. 

I found out where the club section was and we headed over. 

Spanish club - no

Dance team -- ha ha no. 

Then he spied side by side - Robotics and chess. He b- lined over. Learned about the robotics program then started up a speed game of chess. 

"I recognize that open" his opponent said. Then the two fell into a silent battle.  

Like talking about super powers on our walk, he perked right up. His eyes twinkled.  His body straightened. The disengaged teenager from a few moments ago was replaced by the excited boy that I know shows up anytime there is a good game to play.   He found people that spoke his language. 

They finished the game. His opponent smiled at me.  

"He's good. " he said. 

I smiled. We walked away and out into the night.

We talked about the pluses and minuses of different highschool options we've visited so far.  

I decided to treat the decision for highschool as a test run for what we might do when he is getting close to graduation and we need to think about college and job. 

We've visited two highschools so far. They are very different and I'm not sure which would be the better choice between the two. There are still more on our list and so we continue through the process. 

I'm glad it's a process.  I still don't feel ready. 

I remember feeling this way when Andrew was heading off to kindergarten.  He was afraid of toilets and hand dryers. He struggled with crowds. How in the world would he be ready for a class of 26 five year olds. 

I held my breath.  Dropped him off. And left. 

Whether they are 2 or 5 or 15 or 50. I think trusting God with our kids might be one of the gauntlets of faith. From the sideline of their life it is easy to see the pitfalls and hurts coming along the road. I know from my own experience living that some things are hard to heal from.  Somethings hurt forever.  And yet,  somehow,  I'm supposed to send my little guys out into the world to find their call and their place in it knowing how narrow the road can be. 

God has them. Surely as God has me. I just need to keep remembering this.